This story takes place a few years ago and still makes me laugh.
It wasn't funny at the time, but looking back, it makes for a great story.
I'm a math teacher at a really high-class, ladies-only school.
We have a very formal dress code.
Which is strange since we're in a beach city in a tropical country.
Our principal, also the owner of the school, wants to implement a model that he saw at a school in London.
Regardless of the fact it gets super hot in our area.
Luckily, he put ACs in all the rooms, so we don't die.
Somehow, that isn't even the worst part.
The worst thing about the school is definitely Karen.
I don't have to work with her as much as other teachers do, but when I have to, she is a real pain.
She's entitled and stubborn.
It's impossible to have a normal conversation with her.
Also, she always makes the simplest things way more complicated than they need to be.
I suspect that she earned something on the side.
I never said anything because, unlike my wife, I'm a really non-confrontational person.
I'm also afraid of her connections with the owner.
December comes, and the owner invites all of the employees to a party at his mansion.
It was a pool party in the middle of summer.
Needless to say, no one was going to dress formally.
I arrived at the party with my wife.
We proceed to greet everyone, excited to join the party.
As expected, no formal clothes were in sight.
The party was going according to plan. We were being social.
I introduced my wife to a few people who didn't know her, and we were making small talk.
Everything was nice.
Until Karen arrives.
She was unpleasant enough to work with in a business setting, but in a social setting?
She was so much worse.
Karen shows up with her daughter Lucy.
Lucy was easily our best student that year.
The same year that she graduated, she was planning on going to a very prestigious medical college.
Every single one of us knew about this accomplishment and was proud of her.
Even so, Karen make sure that the world knew how big of a genius her daughter was.
Lucy was dressed in a cute sundress (informal) and brought a bag with her.
I assumed it had her swimsuit in it.
She looked the part—ready for a pool party!
Karen, on the other hand, was wearing something really inappropriate for the occasion.
She had on a fancy beige dress with shining jewelry and a lot of makeup.
Not what you would picture for a pool party.
At first, she looked at us with a smug face that said, "the star of the show is here".
But that look quickly faded away as she noticed that everyone else was dressed casually.
Ya know, because it's a pool party.
At this moment, my wife was near the pool talking to a colleague of mine.
At the same time, I was by the grill with the owner.
We didn't mind splitting up and starting our own conversations with people at the party.
They (Karen and Lucy) greet everyone and part ways.
Lucy heads over to the side of the pool to start talking to my wife, excited to see her there.
Most of the ladies were going to change into their swimsuits inside the house.
At the same time, a few men decided to take their shirts off and jump into the pool.
A few others chose to remain around the pool.
The owner, a friend, and I stay chatting around the grill.
We're having a good conversation, and I don't feel like hopping in the pool just yet.
So, I keep chatting them up, not knowing what was about to happen.
Karen proceeds to walk up to us.
I forgot to mention that she is the owner's niece.
She works at the school looking for and planning excursions and field trips.
The wonderful conversation starts something like this:
Karen: (Looking around at all the partygoers in a disapproving way) Well looks like I'm the only one with some sense here.
The owner rolls his eyes, looking annoyed by her comment.
He's obviously been in this type of situation with her before.
Owner: I told you it was a pool party.
Karen: Well, I thought since it was one of your parties, it was expected from US (looking at me and my friend) to have some class.
What were we supposed to do, wear suits to swim in?
It wasn't our fault she didn't realize it was a pool party.
Owner: (Laughing) Let's see how long you endure this weather in your dress.
My friend and I also laugh, trying to lighten the situation.
It didn't work.
Karen stomps off to the restroom, no doubt seething.
She was so mad you could almost see the steam coming out of her ears.
She's used to having the last word in a conversation.
A few minutes later, the ladies came back, every one of them looking incredible.
Especially my wife in her black bikini showing off all her tattoos—I couldn't take my eyes off of her!
She obviously drew a little attention but didn't shy away.
She loved it!
As a guy who's not easily jealous, I felt proud of my wife—if she wants to flaunt it, go for it!
My wife and Lucy chose to chat poolside while some of the other party-goers ate the food or played in the pool.
That piece of information is important for the next part of the story.
When Karen comes back, she was livid.
I was lucky enough to be the one close enough to have to listen to her.
Because I was closest, I'm the one she begins complaining to.
She complains about everyone's swimsuits, talking about how depraved they are.
Apparently, it was childish to play in a pool.
Really, Karen? Complaining about people swimming—at a pool party??
She only stops when she sees my wife talking to her daughter, Lucy.
She cuts herself off mid-sentence, and her eyes go wide.
You would think she had seen a ghost.
Karen: OH MY GOD. Who is that woman??
The owner, my friend, and I look toward the pool in the direction she is staring.
I genuinely expected to see something shocking.
Seeing Lucy chatting with my wife, I can only assume the woman she's referring to is my wife.
Nothing shocking about that.
Me: Oh, she's with me.
Karen: She's with you? How dare you drag that woman to Mr. Owner's party!!
Obviously, I'm confused for a second.
That's a weird reaction to telling someone who you brought to a party.
After I gather myself, I begin to explain to Karen why I brought "this woman" to the party.
Somehow, she obviously doesn't understand the situation.
Me: Well, that's because she's my…
She doesn't even let me finish my sentence.
She's in too big of a hurry to be a Karen and ruin a perfectly good party.
Karen: Stop! I don't know why you brought your side chick here, but I'm telling your wife and Mr. Owner about this—NOW.
She stomps to the poolside and grabs Lucy's arm.
I can only look on to see what this insane woman plans to do with her limited understanding.
Karen: Get away from this woman!
Karen: She's no good for you!!
Lucy, shocked, jerks her arm away from her mother and steps back with a look of bewilderment.
Lucy: MOM!?!
By now, Karen has gathered the attention of a few onlookers.
The conversation isn't exactly in hushed tones. Karens are known to make a scene.
Karen: You should be ashamed of yourself! Being a married man's mistress...
Karen seems so confident in her pointed words.
With an accusation like that, you'd think she would be 100% certain of her understanding.
My wife has a confused look on her face, understandably.
You can tell she's trying to make sense of what Karen is talking about but not having much luck.
Wife: What...?
And this is the part of the story where things begin to click—Karen has it all wrong.
I'd be lying if I didn't say it was hilarious that she was making this assumption...
Karen: We all know that OP is cheating on his wife with YOU! (aggressively points at my wife)
Until this moment, everyone was shocked by Karen's actions.
But now, some—like me—were in pure disbelief.
Did she really just say that? In front of everyone? Now what?
Some of the people there were chuckling, while others were trying to hide their cringing.
It was a truly uncomfortable situation that seemed to stretch on forever.
But my wife is not like anyone else—which is one of the many reasons I married her.
She starts laughing loudly.
She looks over at me and says:
Wife: Hey, babe! It must be hard. I don't give you enough space—not even when you cheat on me!
Her comments were like the magic words breaking a spell we were all under.
The next part really got on Karen's nerves.
Everyone starts laughing, including Lucy and the owner.
Now it was Karen's turn to be completely confused.
She looks around at everyone laughing, clearly unhappy with the situation.
I walk to my wife as Karen begins asking questions.
We show Karen our rings—a matching set with our initials engraved in them.
Surely this will clear things up for the hard-headed woman.
Wife: We are happily married and celebrated five years last September.
It's hard to cheat on the woman you're married to WITH the woman you're married to.
For the rest of the party, Karen was in the corner, looking like a grumpy child who was grounded by her parents.
As Karens do.
Every time I looked at her, I couldn't help but laugh a little inside.
I think Karen misunderstood things because I always wear nice suits and act in a certain way.
So maybe in her mind, she thought that my wife must be some boring, "respectable lady" like her.
Thank god my wife is so much better.
My wife was showing her tattoos—something that morons like Karen think diminishes your value as a person.
I, on the other hand, love my wife's tattoos and think she's amazing.
I have some tattoos myself that I show off in casual situations.
At work, I always wear my suit and wasn't shirtless at the party, so Karen didn't see them.
I guess she thought there was no way I was married to someone so different from how she viewed me.
The reason why my wife and Lucy are so close is that my wife is a tattoo artist.
She has her own studio.
Funny enough, that's where Lucy got her first tattoo and piercing.
Years later, Karen was fired and replaced with someone much cheaper and a lot more pleasant to work with.
Can't say I missed her one bit.
I figure her behavior toward other people is probably what got her the boot.
I haven't heard from her since, thank God.
But I'll always have the wild memory of when she accused me of cheating on my wife...with my wife!
