Granted, most people don’t even know there are multiple verses to "Jingle Bells," but it gets dark later in the song. "The horse was lean and lank. Misfortune seemed his lot. We got into a drifted bank, and then we got upsot." It’s no wonder most people gloss over the part about drunk driving and a possibly fatal carriage accident.
Thankfully, this disturbing verse usually gets omitted when sung these days. However, if you know someone with a passion for Christmas music and a dark sense of humor, you might just end up hearing the unhappy ending to this otherwise happy Christmas carol! 'Tis the season to crash a sleigh!
This Christmas classic has been remade countless times over the years because of its romantic melody and lyrics. But what people seem to forget (or just not realize) is that it was originally written from the perspective of a World War II soldier who won't get to return home for the holidays.
So, he's dreaming about it instead. It's actually a very dark, tragic song. "Christmas Eve will find me where the lovelight gleams. I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams." Despite the sad origins of this song, it's become a Christmas standard over the years as people have forgotten the meaning over time.
"Oh, what a laugh it would have been if Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Clause last night." What does it say about the speaker of the song? As far as he knows, his mother is an adulteress, and his first thought is that it would be funny if his father walked in and saw it. This kid doesn’t think very much of his parents as a couple.
Thankfully, the song heavily implies that the mysterious man is actually his father—the kid just hasn't learned that Santa Claus isn't real yet. Normally, it's cute when kids are still young enough to believe in the magic of Christmas, but in this case, it may end up leading to some really awkward conversations with his parents!
This one takes the cake for "Most Disturbing Christmas song," hands down. It describes a grown man sneaking into children's homes and delivering presents...if you know what I mean. "They call me Back Door Santa. I'll make my runs about the break of day. I make all the little girls happy while the boys are out to play."
Wait up, though. Little girls? That's taking it a step too far. There have been plenty of bizarre Christmas songs written over the years, but we're really left scratching our heads trying to figure out how someone even came up with this idea for a song! Definitely a swing and a miss on this one.
This is coming from a movie that is supposed to be directed toward children. The narrator of the story is extremely harsh to the Grinch through a terribly insulting song that undercuts the moral of the tale. "Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable."
That being said, pretty much everything the guy sings about the Grinch in this song is absolutely true. He's not a great person—that's kind of the whole point of the book and the movies! However, this singer definitely didn't pull any punches about how much he dislikes this Christmas icon.
"There's a world outside your window, and it's a world of dread and fear." These lyrics go on to say, "Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears, and the Christmas bells that ring, there are the clanging chimes of doom. Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you."
We understand that this song was meant to raise awareness for those less fortunate, but it is needlessly depressing. We don’t need an upbeat '80’s pop song about thousands of people starving to death. Plus, this is one holiday song that always seems to get stuck in our heads on a loop!
Rudolph is like the socially awkward IT guy at work; no one invites him to lunch until one day everyone realizes he's the only person in the office who knows how to work the printer. "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games."
This song sends a terrible message to children—be merciless to someone different than you until they become of use to you and then treat them like your best friend. Sometimes it's best not to think too deeply about Christmas songs and just enjoy the fun that they bring to the holidays!
This entire song is about a very forceful man refusing to take no for an answer. "Say, what's in this drink?" Now, are we supposed to gather that he drugged his guest? Nothing says “Christmas” quite like assault.
In a misguided attempt to right this Christmas wrong, John Legend and Kelly Clarkson re-recorded the hit in 2019 with some truly cringe-inducing altered lyrics about the importance of consent, and it basically garnered as much ire as the original did. It's truly a feat that they managed to take a bad song and make it even worse.
"Please Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas. I don't wanna see my mama cry." Where do we begin with this one? The alcoholism or the abuse? We’ll let you take your pick. Any way you look at it, this is not a song you want to share with your family during the holidays.
The fact that this bizarre, dark Christmas song was recorded by the notoriously upbeat John Denver just makes the whole thing even more ridiculous. It's not exactly the most heartwarming tune of the season. However, the kid does have a point—his dad does sound like a piece of work that should probably sober up for Christmas.
Okay, so I think we are all in agreement that this is the worst song to ever be recorded. This song about a child using his last penny to buy his dying mother one last gift can be heard in overpriced department stores across the country. How’s that for Christmas irony?
Don't believe us? Here are the lyrics: "You see she's been sick for quite a while, and I know these shoes would make her smile. And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight." The contemporary Christian music group that recorded this, NewSong, is known for their saccharine, overly emotional lyrics, so this song was par for the course for them.
"He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake." We understand that the whole point of Santa Claus is to get children to behave, but most of this song sounds like a threat. Saint Nick should be a jolly soul, not a menacing presence who watches little kids sleep.
But hey, let's be honest—we're all adults here. We know that Santa isn't real and he's not really out to break the kneecaps of naughty children everywhere, so why not just enjoy the peace and quiet you get from your kids being terrified of this imaginary man? Kids only respond to fear for so long, so savor it while it lasts!
This Christmas original by The Killers is a doozy. You better not pout, you better not cry, because Santa's got a gun and he's apparently going to use it. "Don't shoot me, Santa Claus. No one else around believes me. But the children on the block, they tease me. I couldn't let them off that easy."
As far as we know, Santa Claus has never stood trial for murder, so the singer is either mistaken...or Santa is really good at hiding the bodies! This was obviously supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek sort of song, but who wants to spend the holidays worried about getting gunned down by a madman?
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas." What’s wrong with dreaming of a white Christmas? Well, global warming is what’s wrong. For many people, the reason Christmas isn’t white anymore is because we’re killing our planet. This probably isn’t the original intention of the song, but it’s the only image some people can think of since they stopped getting snow ages ago.
Honestly, if people have a problem with this one, just let them complain and ignore them! If you're filtering the holidays through the lens of politics, then you deserve to be unhappy about this song—the rest of us will be enjoying our Christmas with or without snow!
Technically, this song is still titled "Santa Baby," but Michael Buble decided to put his own bro-friendly twist on it. He refers to Santa as "buddy," "pally," "dude," and "Papi" throughout the song and changes lyrics like "Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring, and I don't mean on the phone," to "Santa Papi, forgot to mention one little thing, cha-ching, no I don't mean as a loan."
Was this really necessary, Michael? Let's bring up another just for laughs: "Santa buddy, a '65 convertible, too, steel blue. I'll wait up for you dude, Santa buddy. And hurry down the chimney tonight." Was he worried that recording the original version would be "too gay"? Because this version is WAY gayer.
“Blue Christmas” isn’t necessarily a disturbing song. It’s a badly written sad song. The biggest reason we know it's sad is because the singer's Christmas is "blue, blue, blue." The singer doesn't necessarily do a great job of conveying their sadness. It just tells us that the singer is sad, sad, sad. "That's when those blue memories start calling."
But let's be honest, Elvis is not a musician known for his deep, poetic lyrics—we're listening to this and his other hits mostly to hear that rich, warbly, and unmistakable voice of his. "Blue Christmas" is not a song you sit down and really focus on, but it does just fine as a background accompaniment to your holidays.
“Last Christmas” is another song that's more depressing than it is disturbing, but we’re still not fans. It’s a sad song about someone who’s going to dive into their next relationship even though they still aren’t over their ex. It sounds like it was catered towards middle school girls. "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart." Maybe don't put someone through that?
Despite the cheesy lyrics, this song was an instant hit when the British band Wham released it in 1984. Unfortunately for the band, "Last Christmas" never reached the number one spot on the charts because it was blocked by another obnoxious Christmas classic—"Do They Know It's Christmas?"
Andy Williams’ hit Christmas song is one of the biggest Christmas classics around. The weird part? The line “There’ll be scary ghost stories.” Ghost stories are more of a Halloween tradition. Christmas is for jolly present-bringers and magical reindeer.
However, this wasn't a lyrical error at all. This seemingly out-of-place line actually refers to a tradition from the Victorian era where people would tell ghost stories around the holidays. This now little-known tradition is how we got Charles Dickens' masterpiece, A Christmas Carol. I guess Christmas is a bit spookier than we initially thought!
If you listen closely, this song is pretty ominous. “Through the years we all will be together if the fates allow.” Uh, if the fates allow? That’s a dark way of thinking about the holidays.
I mean, in one sense, the song is right—we don't know what fate has in store for anyone at any time of the year. But c'mon, it's the holidays! No one wants to sit around being bummed out thinking about the unpredictability of our deaths. Save that garbage for January!
The speaker of this song is not fond of subtlety. She has a taste for the more luxurious things in life, and she doesn’t mind flirting heavily to get her way. The song paints her as a selfish golddigger, which isn't exactly the Christmas spirit.
The lyric that's the worst to us is, "Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing: A ring. I don't mean on the phone." Is there anything this girl doesn't want? What we really want to know is if this seduction actually worked out. If she really ended up with a convertible, we might need to start getting flirty with the man in red too!
We can tell by the tone and delivery of this song that it is supposed to be funny, but we've have never seen it that way. This kid’s grandmother is brutally killed outside his home, and he is morbidly amused by it. Moreover, it goes into pretty graphic detail. The lyrics are, "She had hoof-prints on her forehead and incriminating Clause marks on her back."
Putting aside the death of the grandma, there are still troubling aspects to the song. The grandfather seems unconcerned with this wife's death and continues to watch football, play cards with his cousins, and drink beer. In fact, the grandmother herself was intoxicated during her maiming. We're all about some holiday fun, but this may be just a little over the top.
Another song that talks about waiting under the mistletoe, but unlike “All I Want for Christmas,” this dude doesn’t even know the person he’s trying to kiss. Not even going to take them to dinner first? "Hang the mistletoe. I'm gonna get to know you better this Christmas."
But hey, if this mysterious holiday man is cute enough, we might have no qualms about heading under the mistletoe with him! But I'm gonna need to see a clear photo and your last three pay stubs before I make any promises about kissing under the mistletoe.
"Happy Xmas" seems like it’s about pointing fingers. Then the song continues and talks about wishing people a merry Christmas and happy New Year but then turns bleak and says, “let’s hope it’s a good one without any fear.” Yikes.
Honestly, though, what other kind of Christmas song would you expect from the likes of John Lennon and Yoko Ono? The lyrics may be dark and melodramatic, but we have to give credit where credit is due—this is one catchy melody that always gets stuck in our heads around Christmas time.
At its heart, “Frosty the Snowman” is about a magical snowman who lives and dies on the same day. "Let's run and we'll have some fun before I melt away." Frosty knew it was going to be hot but committed suicide while playing with the children. RIP Frosty.
Thankfully for Frosty and the children who have to watch him die, according to tradition, the song takes place in New York state. So, they'll hopefully have at least several weeks of chilly, snowy weather to have fun together before the temps rise and things go south for ole Frosty.
This song is full of disturbing lyrics. It’s a single that tells the story of a girl whose father who abuses her. No one believes her when she tells people, so she buys a gun and shoots her father in a Macy’s, where he works as a Santa. "I guess her father must have got the same feeling. I mean, actually finding his own daughter Millie appealing." Whoa. Hold up there.
This is obviously a pretty disturbing song for the Christmas season, but we have to admit the premise of the lyrics is definitely interesting and gripping. But who wants to listen to a downer like this during a traditionally jolly time of year? Maybe it sounds less disturbing if you listen to it in July.
The Kinks made this masterpiece about a man who works as a Santa and got beat up by a gang of kids who wanted money instead of toys. "Father Christmas, give us some money. We'll beat you up if you make us annoyed."
While we don't condone kids beating up Santa Claus, these children are on the right track—money is way better than toys. But next time, they should probably just ask nicely for a fat stack of cash instead of assaulting the guy who's obsessed with which kids are naught and nice.
Christmas songs are riddled with Santa watching people and spying on them in ways we’d never imagine. This one goes above and beyond as the singer says Santa is head of the CIA, and he’s tapped phones. "You can't do nothin' 'cause you're never alone. He's even got a wiretap on your phone."
While this song may sound disturbing at first, it starts to make a lot more sense when you realize it was recorded by the hit comedian and musician Ray Stevens. He's the king of novelty songs, and "Santa Claus is Watching You" is just one of his many humorous hits.
Santa is coming down the chimney to give kids presents, but little Will gets some items that are probably better left to Mommy and Daddy. “What a glorious fill”—not the words we’d use. "Here is a hammer and lots of tacks. Also a ball and a whip that cracks."
Normally, we're happy to jump on the "kids these days are too sheltered" bandwagon, but this song gives us pause. I don't want to be within a one-mile radius of any kid who got tacks and whips for Christmas. You're just asking for trouble with a combination like that.
What does myrrh smell like? According to this song, the most depressing scent anyone can think of. "Myrrh is mine. It's bitter perfume breaths a life of gathering gloom. Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying, sealed in the stone-cold tomb." Listen, Axe body spray is bad, but we’d rather that than myrrh at this point.
According to tradition, one of the wise men gave Jesus myrrh because of its rarity and high value. However, one of the other wise men gave Jesus gold, which is also rare and high in value...and it doesn't stink to high heaven! These men may have been wise, but some of them were terrible at picking out gifts!
Christmas is about being with family and friends, but what if you don’t have any? That’s what this song is about, and it’s depressing enough to make us worry about the singer. Someone get him (or her) some help. "Oh, what a Christmas to have the blues. My baby's gone, I have no friends to wish me greetings, once again."
Now, most people don't want to feel down on Christmas, but if you're looking for a bluesy Christmas song, you can't do any better than this—it's a downer in the best way possible. Let's just hope his baby had a change of heart and made it home by New Year's night!
This is the most well-known Hanukkah songs out there, but the person making the dreidel has some opinions we find questionable. "It has a lovely body with legs so short and thin and when he gets all tired, he drops and then I win." They personify the dreidel into a man that is “lovely.” Ahm. What kind of dreidel are they making?
However, instead of focusing on this potentially weird song, you need to be focused on improving your dreidel game—those Hanukkah gelt are too delicious to pass up! But seriously though, what's going on with those lyrics? Why and how does a dreidel have legs? We've got way more questions than answers at this point.
