Let’s face it. As wonderful as it is to spend time with your loved ones over a large spread of to-die-for food, it’s not as picturesque as you’d like it to be. Soon after the hugs end and warm fuzzies fade, the irritating questions and annoying personalities come out. Here’s how to guarantee you have the most dysfunctional family Thanksgiving in all the land:
- Start with one nosy grandma.
“Why aren’t you married yet? You’re not getting any younger you know.” Yikes. We’ve all been there, and we’ve all had the urge to roll our eyes and thank her for the confidence boost. - Throw in an inappropriate uncle.
Nothing could be more fun than listening to your uncle discuss his, um, problems. Keep your head down and shovel in as much turkey as you can to avoid interacting. It also helps to sing “Rude” by Magic! in your head. “Why ya gotta be so ruuuuude…” - Sprinkle in some screaming kids.
Nothing goes with your mashed potatoes quite like a chorus of toddlers wailing and cousins fighting over the wishbone. At least they look cute in those Facebook pictures. - Mix in two judgmental in-laws.
Whether they’re yours or someone else’s, condescending in-laws make things uncomfortable for everyone. Chow down on some green bean casserole to drown out the pointed questions. - Glaze everything over with a heaping scoop of passive aggression.
Finish off the family holiday with passive aggressive comments, withering looks from your mom, and at least 10 “whatever”s. - Bake at an uncomfortable level of body heat in a cramped space.
No matter how small or large your family is, there’s simply never enough space for everyone to enjoy the meal. You might as well accept the fact someone will eventually sit on your lap, bump your elbow while you’re eating, and spill some sticky punch on your favorite shoes. - Wash the meal down with a large glass of your favorite cocktail.
Avoid throttling your family members by holding onto your glass like it’s a life preserver. Suck two or three down, and the snide remarks will slide right off like you’re a greased pig. You might start slurring your comebacks, but hey, at least you won’t remember it.
