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A teenage girl refusing to speak to her mom about an abusive relationship

Telltale Signs Your Child Is in an Abusive Relationship

As your child grows older and enters her teenage years, it’s natural for her to become more secretive around you. She is slowly learning how to be an adult, and she doesn’t want you to know every aspect of her life, so it can be difficult to know what’s going on in your child’s dating experiences. You don’t ever want to think about your teenager being abused by her significant other, but, according to the Do Something campaign, the reality is that 33% of adolescents and teenagers are victims of some form of relationship abuse/domestic violence. Relationship violence in a teen’s early dating years can have long-term consequences, such as alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, and violent behavior, so it’s essential for you as a parent to be informed about what's happening in your teen’s life and if necessary, help her out of a difficult situation.

Physical Abuse

The signs of physical abuse include unexplained marks or bruises on your child’s body (or weak explanations, such as frequent “accidents”), but the warning signs generally go beyond the physical evidence. Your child may become reserved or seem anxious to please her partner. You also may notice your child wearing conservative or loose clothing to hide injuries on her body, such as long sleeves in the summer. Teenagers who are in abusive relationships don’t usually reach out to their parents or friends for help because they may not even recognize the abuse for what it is. If this is one of her first relationships, she may feel like occasional (or even frequent) violence is normal in relationships.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can be difficult for teens for recognize, and even more difficult for you to recognize because there is no physical evidence. Even if you ask your child about emotional abuse, she may deny it because she may not recognize what she’s experiencing as emotional abuse. The abuse itself may not be obvious, such as criticism, belittling, jealousy, constant checking up on, or it could be more blatant, like humiliation, degradation, yelling, controlling who she sees and where she goes, withholding finances and basic necessities, and preventing her from holding a job. The warning signs that you may see of either of these kinds of emotional abuse include:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • No time spent with family or friends
  • No extracurricular activities
  • Fear expressed towards her partner’s reaction to a situation

What Should You Do?

Before you call the police or take drastic measures, you need to be certain that your teen is in an abusive relationship. After you start noticing the warning signs, you should sit down with your child and have a discussion with her about the situation. Assure her that you will be there to help her no matter what, and she can trust you and tell you anything that is going on in her life. It may take a few attempts, but always remember to be supportive, and don’t push her to tell you before she is ready. As of right now, most teens who are in an abusive relationship don't tell someone about their situations, but with your help and constant support, you can protect your own child from a toxic, dangerous relationship.

Last Updated: August 25, 2015