As a parent, you never want to see your teenager go through the horrific experience of an abusive relationship, but if she ever does find herself in one, you need to know how to help. Your child will have to learn how to solve her problems, but she doesn’t have to do it on her own. She’s still learning how to be an adult, so your unwavering support through a teen relationship abuse situation will be invaluable to her.
Reassure Her
After you’ve started suspecting that your teen is the victim of an abusive situation, the first thing you need to do is control your own emotions before speaking with your child. Overreacting or yelling will only make the situation worse. All your teen needs to know is that she can talk to you about anything, so don’t force her to talk before she’s ready. Just reassure her that you’re there for her no matter what, and she will open up to you. If your teen does confirm your suspicions, you will obviously want her to leave the relationship as soon as possible, but simply telling a victim of abuse to leave the abuser is not the most effective method.
Lead by Example
Your teen could be in denial about the abuse, or she may still be attached to her abuser, so it’s a delicate situation that you’re dealing with. In this case, encourage your child to examine the situation herself and come to her own conclusion. Show her what a healthy relationship is, either by your own example or use the example of someone you know. Let your child know that she deserves that kind of relationship too, not one where her significant other manipulates, controls, or hurts hers.
Build up Her Confidence
Even after you have a few open discussions with your teen, and she is ready to get out of the relationship, keep in mind that the other person is probably not going to give up so easily. Most abusers try to win their victims back through false promises, so be sure to build up your child’s confidence and determination. If that person has hurt your child once, he’ll do it again, so do your best to make sure your child understands that this person is not going to change, no matter how much she wants him to.
Consider Legal/Professional Help
When it comes to seeking legal services or professional help, you need to talk to your child first to see what her thoughts are. Your child may or may not want to press charges against her abuser, and as much as you want to, it’s really not up to you. You need to be there to support your child in her decisions, not make those decisions for her. In terms of professional help, such as counseling, it may be a good idea to encourage (but not force) your child to attend a support group or see a therapist as teen relationship violence can have long-term consequences, including alcoholism, promiscuity, and even suicide.
