Going through a breakup is never easy, and if the relationship was a long-term dating relationship or marriage, it can be even more difficult to move on. Like all major life changes, losing a relationship can create deep grief and stress. Beyond dealing with a broken heart, you will likely experience disruptions to your established, comfortable routines. Here are ways to ease the grieving process so you can move on in a healthy way.
Don’t Bottle Up Your Feelings
Allow the grief to surface, when you can. You need to allow yourself safe times to let your emotions out. There is a lot of research supporting the negative effects of stress and grief on the body if the emotions are not allowed expression. Surround yourself with caring people or, at the very least, seek counseling. If you try to push the feelings down and never let yourself cry or express your anger constructively, the feelings will likely resurface in the future at inopportune times, or you may even develop illnesses related to your stress and grief.
Try New Things
Begin new activities and hobbies, or re-acquaint yourself with old ones. While it is helpful to process your feelings, it is rarely helpful to dwell on them. Having hobbies will keep you busy and your mind occupied, giving you a break from stress, anger, and sadness. Make sure it is something you look forward to doing. It could even be something you have always wanted to do but previously refrained from because your ex did not want to do it or did not approve.
Rebuilding Self-Esteem
Work on developing healthy self-esteem. Most people have a temporary drop in self-esteem after a relationship ends, and it can feel devastating. This tends to be exacerbated if you are not the person who made the decision to end the relationship. You may need to redefine yourself in a new light and be exceptionally patient with yourself. Initially you may feel that you are not lovable, not attractive, and not special because the relationship ended. You should aim to get from that place to a place of understanding that your worth cannot, and should not, be based on another person’s opinion or treatment of you. This is another reason why it is very important to be around people who uplift you and to avoid anyone who does not treat you with kindness, love, and respect.
Set easily reached goals for yourself and take things day by day for as long as necessary. Everyone heals emotionally at different rates and it is extremely important that you celebrate all of your small successes rather than berate yourself for what you consider to be failures. Avoid beating yourself up if you start crying at a memory of the person months later, for example. Continue going forward and know that it will get easier with time, and you owe it to yourself to treat yourself well.
