You're divorced and still feeling the hurt. Every time you hear about someone's good news or the holidays, you want to cry, run screaming from the room, or start flinging swear words because you just don't want to feel anything. The holidays are going to come around, no matter how you're feeling. It's time to find some healthy ways to face them without losing it.
Take a "Me" Day
Be mindful of what your body and emotions need. If being around happy couples hurts too much, beg off from holiday parties, letting friends and family know that right now just isn't a good time for you.
If you feel the pressures building, take a day just for yourself. Ask for a day off, take the kids to your parent's house, and visit the spa or do something you find to be enjoyable. Take that time to begin to recover yourself.
Dial Back Your Expectations
The holidays will never be the same, ever again. Put away those dreams of the Rockwell-perfect holiday, with snow falling softly outside. You may have moved to an area where snow is a rarity.
You may have much less money to work with, which means you won't be able to buy many gifts or decorate your home in the way you have dreamed.
Visitation issues will (not may) affect your holidays every year. Who has the children this year? When will they go to your former spouse? When will they come home? As much as visitation affects your life, it affects your children's lives even more.
Make New Family Rituals
You love the holidays, but your spouse enjoyed seeing all the decorations adorning various rooms of your home. You didn't need to see every room decorated like he did. Knowing this, it's time to think of the traditions you want to create for yourself and your family. Starting with the decorations, music, activities, and holiday baking, think of what you enjoy the most.
Involve your children and incorporate some of their ideas into your new holiday rituals. Maybe, instead of decorating every room, you can decorate one room. If baked goods signify the holidays for you, bake goodies and stash them for you and your children. Give baked goods as holiday gifts. It will cost less money and those who receive them will appreciate the effort that went into making the gifts. Above all, enjoy creating your new family rituals.
Protect Yourself
It's inevitable. Someone unable to filter his comments will say something when you come into a holiday gathering without your spouse. Knowing this, you need to be ready ahead of time, knowing what you're going to do or say when it does happen.
Take this person aside and let them know of the huge life change you experienced. Then, let them know an apology would be appreciated. Next, let the person know what it is you need from them: understanding, emotional support, and a caring presence would go far toward helping you and your children recover.
