1. Thou shalt not bend over in public.
Yoga pants are thin. Bending over pulls the fabric tighter, thus making them a bit see through. Unless you’re wearing a top that covers your entire backside, you can’t bend over at the hip when you’re in public. Everyone within 100 feet will be able to see your hoo-ha. Instead, crouch down to pick something off the ground. It won’t place those hard-earned glutes on display the way you want to, but it also won’t lead to a citation for public indecency.
2. Thou shalt not have camel toe.
Since yoga pants are tight and meant to hug every little bit of your lower body, camel toe is hard to avoid. You must do your best to prevent it though, hiding it behind a super-long shirt when it's unavoidable. Your safest bet is to purchase a pair of yoga pants that don’t have the traditional front seam that causes this dreaded toe. No matter what though, you hide that like a secret affair!
3. Thou shalt not have panty lines.
Sorry, but you have to leave your full-coverage panties at home. Thongs are the only acceptable form of undies to wear with yoga pants, or you can go commando and avoid wedgies. Though going commando puts you at greater risk of breaking rule No. 2 though, so pick your poison carefully.
4. Thou shall wear them with the right shoes.
Athletic shoes are the right shoes. Yoga pants look wrong with anything else. You can’t dress them up, so heels are out. Boots look strange paired with such casual wear. Sandals are only for the People of Walmart. Low-top sneakers always look just right though.
5. Thou shalt not wear frumpy tops.
If you want to wear a gigantic, sloppy top, then why are you putting on yoga pants? No one will even be able to appreciate your legs and bum if they’re hidden. Yoga pants are the fanciest of the workout gear and deserve to be respected with a worthy shirt. Fitted workout tanks or nice v-necks are the easiest options. Don’t disrespect the pants, folks.
6. Thou shalt not wear flesh-colored yoga pants.
Flesh-colored yoga pants are the worst creation in history. Nude is a gross color to wear anyway, but when you wear it as a skintight piece of clothing, you’re asking for people to take photos of you thinking you aren’t wearing pants. Then you’ll be a Facebook joke for the rest of your life. It’s not even safe to break this rule it’s a different shade than your skin. It still looks like you walked out without pants on.
7. Thou shalt not wear them a size too small.
Trust me, the appropriate size is tight enough. Yoga pants are not forgiving. Wearing a pair that’s too tight will only make you look bigger. I know that purchasing a good pair a size up simply because you gained weight isn’t fun, but you’ll feel so much better in them that this decision is worth it. Your butt will still look good in them.
8. Thou shalt not take them to the gym.
What are you? A heathen? Yoga pants don’t go to the gym. They only run errands, watch movies, or hang at home. They aren’t the most breathable fabric, and like rule No. 1 said, they are see through when you bend at the wrong angle. Wear some athletic shorts instead. You’ll stay cooler and more covered that way.
9. Thou shall choose a breathable pair.
Yoga pants are tight, tight, tight, so you need a pair that breathes, breathes, breathes. If the fabric doesn’t have some breathability, you’ll sweat more in them and the sweat will be trapped against your skin. There’s nothing less desirable than that.
10. Thou shalt not keep them past their prime.
Like all good things, yoga pants have a prime. When they’ve passed it, typically shown by discoloration, holes, and threadbare patches, it’s time to send them off to the next life. You can’t keep your favorite pair after they’ve developed holes in the crotch, even if you swear you’ll only wear them at home. Make like Elsa and let them go.