1. Pointed Ear Surgery
Elves are amazing and I love Middle Earth as much as the next nerd, but I can’t support this surgery trend. This trend involves a painful surgery that removes a small wedge of the ear. Then, the remaining ear is stitched together to heal and form an ear that I pointed like an elf or Spock…whichever you like most. If the pain doesn't scare you away, maybe the $7,500 price tag will. Compare that to clip on elf ears for a fraction of the cost and with way less commitment. You can probably pick up a pair for less than $20 online or at your local Halloween store -- depending on the time of year. I get sick of my trendy hair colors in about two months, so I’m willing to bet you’ll get over your pointy ears at some point in your life. Like on your wedding day.
(Image via Facebook)
2. Eyelash Implants
Props to anyone who can bear to have hands so close to their eyeballs! Implants for eyelashes might seem like it would be super convenient in the long run, but you can create longer, fuller lashes with the right mascara, makeup removal process, and a protein-rich diet.
3. Calf Implant Surgery
Why spend hours in the gym when you can just drop some green on calf implants to fake it? You won’t actually be as strong as you look, but hey, that’s the price you pay for stupidity.
4. Calf Reduction Surgery
If you hate your natural (or unnatural) buff calves, then you can have them surgically reduced. It’s great for fitting into slimmer pants and boots, but the consequence is that you have less muscle tone and strength in your legs. Friendly reminder: muscles are a good thing.
For centuries, women have faked hair color and beauty marks to be more attractive, but having dimples surgically created in your cheeks is too far. Dimples do not make you more or less beautiful than you already are. Please just love your dimple-less cheeks!
6. Thigh Gap Surgery
A thigh gap does not reflect your fitness or thinness. It’s only a reflection of your hip width (you're basically saying you want to change your skeleton). So, undergoing surgery to shave your inner thigh in order to have a gap is a terrible idea. Plus, there’s the fact that the fat can always return based on your diet and exercise regimen.
7. Toe Tucks
This surgery has nothing to do with foot pain or injury and everything to do with vanity and idiocy. Women are having their pinky toes “tucked” or completely removed simply so they can wear thinner shoes with less discomfort. Here’s a better idea: Buy wider shoes!
8. Botox for the Balls of Your Feet
I can understand why people choose to get botox on their foreheads, even though I think it isn't necessary. What I don’t understand is getting botox injections in the balls of your feet so that you don’t feel pain while wearing heels. If heels hurt you that much, then just stop wearing them!
9. Orbishape Surgery
If you’re tired of your boobs sitting lower than your chin, you can have a pushup bra surgically implanted beneath them. Or, you can save yourself thousands of dollars by just buying some good normal pushup bras like the rest of us.
10. Nose jobs
Unless you’re having surgery to improve your breathing ability, there’s no reason you need a nose job. So what if there’s a bump on your nose or it’s longer than your friend’s? It’s your nose! It was made especially for you, and there’s not another one out there like it. You’ll be happier if you start focusing on how much there is to love about the nose you already have.
11. Belly Button Surgery
Some people have an innie, others have an outie. However, outies have always been the subject of some ridicule. This has led some to have surgery to change their belly button. I say embrace yours just the way it is!
12. Areola Reduction
Females and males with arreola's larger than they desire are now having them reduced. I can understand this surgery in extreme cases, but I have a feeling very few of them are that serious.
13. Vaginal Alterations
Some women have taken upon themselves to turn back time. Enlarged g-spots and tightened vaginal canals are just two of the most popular surgeries.
14. Vampire Facials
This one still stumps me. From what I understand, some people are paying to have blood removed from their arms, plasma separated from that blood, and that plasma-rich blood injected into their faces to improve elasticity or something. It just sounds creepy to me.
15. Tiger Face Surgery
Achieving a tiger face is complicated and time-consuming process that involves several implants, piercings, tattoos, and teeth reconstruction. I just can’t see this catching on.
16. Eye Implants
In some cases, this technology is used to help people with certain eye abnormalities. Some people, however, are using it to simply change the color of their eyes. What?
17. Tongue Splitting
I’ve seen a few children accidently split their tongues playing on the playground, but having it purposely and permanently done in the name of fashion is another story.
18. Voice Lift
This seemingly risky procedure plays with your vocal chords to create a voice that has more presence. I think voice lessons would be a safer bet and a better investment.
19. Palm Line Alterations
I just can’t ever picture the moment where someone decided they hated their palm lines so much that they would have them surgically altered.
20. Limb Lengthening
I can understand the logic behind women and even men wanting to be taller, but this just sounds painful and risky. Not to mention, it’s probably damaging to your joints! I’d recommend heels or platforms, instead.