Geisha Facial a.k.a. "Bird Poop Facial"
I don’t care what health benefits can be received from this treatment, you cannot pay me enough to put bird poop on my face!
Apparently, there’s only two manufacturers for this type of “spa treatment” nowadays (for obvious reasons). The products are insanely expensive, too. For one facial, it’s about $100.
Snail Slime Moisturizer
Snail slime is actually used in a lot of beauty products, especially moisturizers. It’s become particularly popular since Instagram influencers have been pushing to use it.
However, I don’t think I could resist the urge to gag if I had to put it on my face directly without it being mixed into anything. It’s super slimy and feels just like you’re spreading snail mucus on your face. Katie Holmes thinks snail slime is the perfect moisturizer, however.
(Image via Instagram; Gilbert Carrasquillo/GC Images/Getty Images)
Nightingale Excrement Facial
Isn’t it common knowledge that when a bird poops on you on accident it’s gross? I don’t think having nightingale poop on you on purpose changes anything.
It’s supposed to exfoliate the face (unlike the other bird poop), but there are better ways to get rid of dead skin cells. Coffee smells better than bird poop. Supposedly Victoria Beckham gets this type of facial.
You can now literally and non-offensively (not really) call someone who gets this treatment a butt-face since they’re getting a facial for their other set of cheeks.
At Euphoria Spa in Detroit, you can have your behind cleansed, exfoliated, massaged, and moisturized for only $65. Clients swear by it and say that it feels amazing, which we can believe, but we're not sure about having a stranger's hands back there. J-Lo is an avid proponent for this type of facial, though, so it may be worth a try.
This strange therapy that plunges the body into sub-zero temperatures for two minutes is growing in popularity because of claims that it promotes muscle recovery, improves skin complexion, reduces cellulite, and more.
Whether or not it actually works remains to be seen. Some people say it works, some people say it doesn’t. The bright side is that if you want to try freezing yourself, it can be as cheap as $30-$40. Will Smith thinks this is a great way to stay looking good.
Cleopatra was known for sleeping in a gold mask every night to keep her skin healthy and youthful. It turns out, she was onto something!
Apparently placing thin squares of 24-karat gold on your face does lead you to have firmer, more glowing skin. It will cost you about as much as a piece of gold jewelry, though, with prices upwards of $160 for 20 minutes.
Because only plebeians get regular pedicures. In London, you can have 150 Garra rufa fish nibble away at the dead skin on your feet, while leaving the fresh skin underneath untouched ($75). Or, in Japan, you can have a full-body, fish-nibbling experience for about $120.
As fishy as they are, these treatments do completely remove dead skin. Yet, there is some controversy in the US about how hygienic this practice is, so don’t expect it to become a thing in your state anytime soon.
After a long day at work, have you ever thought, “Wow, wouldn’t it be nice if I could just go back into my mother’s comforting womb to relax?” Some people have. A significant number, actually, because there’s a spa in the Canary Islands where you can spend time in their “Womb Room.”
It’s filled with water beds, low lighting, a pink and red color scheme, and music that is intended to sound similar to noises you would have heard in the womb. We’re not really sure how they determined what those noises would sound like, but for about $60 you can see for yourself if it improves insomnia and anxiety, as many claim.
One of the most expensive spa treatments on this list ($245) encompasses your muscles being gently kneaded by the paddles of a cactus plant. Don’t fret, they’ve been de-needled! Plus, in addition to the massage, at the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita, Mexico, you also get a skin hydration treatment.
This treatment is a mixture of several different parts of the cactus plant blended with tequila (everything’s better with tequila), which is then rubbed into your skin. The resort claims that the combination of these treatments helps eliminate toxins and re-hydrates the skin, and many of their clients back them up!
Drinking beer may not do much for your health, but dousing your skin in this liquid gold can help refine your pores and tighten your skin. At The Spa at Esperenza in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, Corona beer is combined with egg yolks and lime to form a hydrating, elasticizing mask.
The yeast in the beer combined with the protein in the egg is what helps achieve these great results, and you can experience it yourself for $185. So you can drink your beer and wear it too.
Thai Face Slapping
You’re not the only one who had to read that twice. Face slapping is a real skin-firming treatment, and you don’t even have to go all the way to Thailand to get a taste of it. One of the most popular companies that performs this treatment, Face Slapping International (based in San Francisco) will slap one side of your face for 15 minutes for mere pocket change ($350!).
You could also fork over $1000 for four separate treatments. The slapping supposedly tightens cheeks, raises eyebrows, and decreases wrinkles. This form of treatment, along with other similar ones, have been regarded as highly successful in Thailand, but we aren’t sure if most Americans are ready for this slap in the face.
We’ll end this list with an almost-literal bang, aka the fire facial. You may not have heard of this bizarre routine since it’s primarily popular in China, but it has been garnering some attention in the west recently.
During this facial, a small towel is drenched in alcohol, a “secret” skin-rejuvenating cocktail, then it's set on fire. The towel is placed on your skin, and the fire is extinguished within mere seconds so it doesn’t actually burn you. Terrifying, right? Are they sure it isn’t the adrenaline rush that cures your “dull skin,” not the facial?
No, we are not kidding. At a spa in Israel, people are actually paying $70 to have six snakes slither all over their bodies as part of a massage add-on.
They are non-venomous, which makes us feel *so* much better. The spa claims that these snakes have a calming effect on clients and can help ease joint pain, but we’ll believe that when we see some hard scientific proof.
Kim Kardashian is known to have tried this facial, but that doesn’t mean I want it. It involves having blood taken from your body, filtered, and injected back into your face. It’s supposed to improve elasticity, but I don’t think it’s worth it.
Experts say that it’s okay (health-wise) because they use your own blood, but that means they have to draw it too. Anyone else have a fear of needles?
Placenta facials are one of the hottest skin rejuvenating trends, but it's gross if you ask us. It uses stem cells and placenta extract to bring life back to your skin (so to speak).
Doctors claim that this treatment firms, hydrates, and lifts your skin. However, placentas should probably stay with the animal or person they came from! J-Lo has also given this pic a shot, but that isn't enough for us to try it.
This technique was used by ancient Egyptians, so you’d think we would know better treatments by now. Apparently, 21st century humans think it’s a good idea to use blood-sucking parasites to make their skin better.
There are legitimate uses for leeches in modern medicine, but we’re guessing that’s not why people do this. They do really get rid of toxins, but our body is pretty good at doing it on its own without interference. As long as there isn’t a medical reason, leave leeches alone. Demi Moore is the one that actually made this one popular again.
This hay is harvested from a special meadow in the early morning so that it retains all its health benefits. While this sounds like it would actually benefit your skin, I’m not sure I could get over the scratchy awfulness of hay.
Also, anyone with allergies would have an awful time under these supposed “hay baths.” We can’t imagine this would be beneficial for anyone – our bodies are designed to have an allergic reaction to this stuff!
Black Pepper Body Scrub
This treatment isn’t that weird, except for the fact that having my body scrubbed with black pepper sounds extremely painful. Plus, you can make this treatment at home – probably for way cheaper than what a spa will charge you.
We can’t argue that it wouldn't be one of the best exfoliants out there, but there’s no guarantee that you’d have skin left over following the treatment. Our best advice: rub softly.
Free range horses containing good energy stand over you and take your bad energy. It’s unclear how the transfer work but relaxing with a bunch of horses has to be good for your mental health somehow.
Some people just touch the horse, with either their face or hand. Don’t try this with any ol’ horse, though! Horses don’t really take kindly to people touching their face.
Bull Sperm Hair Treatment
Mixed with Iranian katera root, this treatment is refrigerated to eliminate its foul odor. Although it doesn’t seem anyone offers this treatment anymore, those who received the treatment raved about it.
But can you really trust someone whose hair is covered in bull sperm? This is another one we’re going to have to pass on. It may surprise you to know Lindsey Lohan reportedly tried this, but honestly, we're not too shocked.