Unless you’re the villain in a movie starring Clint Eastwood, leave the mustache wax at home. It looks like it belongs to someone who spends way, way, way too much time with their hands all over their face.
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Unless your goal is to show off how little you actually do leg day, get some jeans that fit a little better than that near-spandex pair of pants you claim is made of stretchy denim.
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We get it. Beards are super masculine. You want to look super masculine. Naturally, you’re going to strive for the most masculine guy you can think of: a lumberjack. But, the problem is, lumberjacks probably didn’t waste a ton of time and money on personal hygiene. In fact, they probably had really, really bad hygiene…
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No one is really sure why the man bun got so popular, but it sure seemed to be everywhere all of a sudden. It left everybody else with questions. Why? How did you grow out your hair so quickly? Is it possible to make this look good? So few people can pull this off that you’d probably be better off with a haircut.
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Holes in the knees of your jeans are one thing. They make it seem like you get out and actually do something, such as building a house or saving kittens from trees. You’re active and rugged. Holes in T-Shirts on the other hand… That just looks like you have been wearing the same shirt every day for the past few decades.
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Long tees might actually be comfortable. They look like they’d be great to get home from work, throw one on, and binge watch Netflix. For three days straight. After which you’d go outside to check the mail and accidentally inspire a bunch of other Netflix-addicted people to start wearing their lounge-wear out and about. Whoops.
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Why are these back in style? These were ‘90s staples. For the first 15 years of this century, the ‘90s were mocked. Did people all of a sudden start feeling bad for them? There’s no need to break this hat back out of your closet.
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Overalls seem like a great, functional piece of clothing for anybody who lives and works on a farm. For some reason, they’re now the peak of fashion. Sadly, it’s a little late for anyone who got bullied for wearing overalls back in elementary school.
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Crocs are one of the most hated pieces of clothing seen in the modern era. And they deserve it. They are about as ugly and unprofessional as anyone can get. And comfort isn’t an excuse. Ever heard of Dr. Scholl’s?
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Hawaiian shirts did a great job of making sure that most of us no longer need to wear a full suit in out cubicles. Now, that job is done. They can go back to the touristy merchandise stands in Hawaii. We have other, more comfortable clothes now.
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The dictionary defines a romper as, “a young child's one-piece outer garment.” It’s like overalls with sleeves made for kids. But then they got adopted into women’s fashion. Then, some guys thought it would be a good idea to adopt it into men’s fashion.
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Fashion has been pushing women’s neckline down further and further. Now, we’ve switched to men’s clothing. This way, the whole world can see how manicured your chest hair is.
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Fanny Packs are one of those things that you’d get made fun of for wearing. Everybody hated them, at least until they went on vacation. Then, a bunch of college age kids thought it’d be cool to wear them with their short shorts, socks, and sandals. Leave the fanny packs in Orlando, please. They should’ve never come home.
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People like sneakers. They’re comfortable and a great place to drop a few hundred dollars every few months. But since sneakers have been looking really nice lately, the fashion world decided to have people start wearing the biggest, clunkiest, most mismatched shoes they could dig out of the garage. We assume it’s because they could no longer afford new shoes.
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Beanies have gotten really popular in recent years. Got $4? Go ahead and splurge on that cold-weather hat you need. And then don’t take it off because wow, it gives you really, unavoidably bad hat hair. And oh, the more you can make it sag down the back of your head, the better.
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Sandals and socks. Once a taboo, now a fashion statement. I guess the fashion world just gets really, really bored at times.
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I’m sure truckers like these hats. They’re cheap and in every gas station which is ideal for a fashion craze. They’ve got comfy foam fronts, weird mesh sides, and uncomfortable plastic snap closure. What’s not to love?
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Sleeveless hoodies are about as bad as snuggies. I’m sure the first person to make a snuggie simply took the sleeves off their favorite hoodie and put them on a blanket. That way, they could look terrible both in their home and on the street!
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Holes in the knees are one thing. They make it look like you got out and did something for a change. Destroyed denim looks like you got caught in the lawn mower and spat out of the back in some sort of cartoonish accident. Put on some real pants please.
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Get pants that fit. Please. There’s no need to buy pants that sit just above your ankles. They make you look like a child who just went through a growth spurt. Sorry to be the one who has to say this, but children aren’t really fashion icons. They get dressed by their parents.
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Growing up, our parents always seemed to tuck our shirts in before sending us off to school, where we would immediately tuck them back in because tucked shirts weren’t cool. Now, people are tucking them in again. Somebody’s got to be confused about what’s cool and what’s not.
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Do you like denim? Good! Because now it’s socially acceptable if you wear nothing but denim! What could ever be wrong with that?
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It’s one thing to follow trends, but when that trend is a body modification that cannot be hidden or undone, you should stop and think: “Will I ever regret this? Do I want this to be in every picture I take from this day on? Do I want a job?” You shouldn’t have to think too long about this.
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Short shorts were all the rage back in the ‘50s. Since then, guys realized that, gee, maybe going that short could cause some uncomfortableness with the people you’re around.
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It looks like you’re trying super, super hard to belong in Texas in the ‘80s. The 1880s that is. And if that’s the case, you’re hitting the nail right on the head. Keep doing your thing.
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Lumberjack plaid follows this weird attempt at trying to be hyper-masculine. I’m sure lumberjacks would approve too. I’m sure they all ran around wearing matching shirts with their tattoos and perfectly manicured beards. That seems like something wilderness experts would really be into.
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Bow ties are great if you’re taking fashion advice from Doctor Who. Or Bill Nye. Or magicians. If you are taking fashion advice from literally anybody else, don’t wear a bow tie. If the situation calls for a tie, get a regular necktie instead. I assure you, they’re easier to tie.
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You’re not 6. Your mom isn’t dressing you for the for the snowy weather on your way to kindergarten. Throw on a sweater and a jacket, or a hoodie, or really most anything else. But your under-layers should never thick out from your outer layers.
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Tracksuits are the suits of the sports world. Wait. No, they’re not. Suits are still the suits of the sports world. Or maybe game day uniforms. Or actual workout clothes. But tracksuits? That’s just for people who want to vaguely look like they are working out.
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Suspenders went out of fashion a long time ago. Specifically, when the belt-loop was invented. Suspenders went extinct very quickly right after that. Don’t try to bring them back.
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