"It feels like something flew up inside my stomach and fired torpedoes at my insides. You really don’t want me to come in to the office."
"I’m in a very dark place right now. The best way for me to describe it is I feel like I’m trapped inside a giant worm that’s hiding in an asteroid in the depths of space. I’m going to see a counselor today."
"The doctors are concerned. My medichlorean count is through the roof, so they’re running some tests."
"I got in a fight at a bar last night and the guy really messed up my arm—the pain is unbelievable. There’s no way I can type on a keyboard today."
"I’m morbidly obese, and I’m having some trouble getting off the couch this morning. Can I send in one of my slave girls instead?"
"Of course I’m sick. I find your lack of faith disturbing."
"It feels…(gasp)…like my throat…(another gasp)…is closing up. It’s…(gasp)…probably contagious."
"My mom was abducted by a savage gang of bandits, so I’m going to need the day off so I can get her back."
RAWRGWAWGGR!
"Working today, my brain is not. Seeing a doctor about it, I am. "
"I’ve got a bad feeling about coming in today. "
