"The Death Star"
"It feels like something flew up inside my stomach and fired torpedoes at my insides. You really don’t want me to come in to the office."
"The Millennium Falcon"
"I’m in a very dark place right now. The best way for me to describe it is I feel like I’m trapped inside a giant worm that’s hiding in an asteroid in the depths of space. I’m going to see a counselor today."
"The doctors are concerned. My medichlorean count is through the roof, so they’re running some tests."
"I got in a fight at a bar last night and the guy really messed up my arm—the pain is unbelievable. There’s no way I can type on a keyboard today."
"I’m morbidly obese, and I’m having some trouble getting off the couch this morning. Can I send in one of my slave girls instead?"
"Of course I’m sick. I find your lack of faith disturbing."
"The Force Choke"
"It feels…(gasp)…like my throat…(another gasp)…is closing up. It’s…(gasp)…probably contagious."
"My mom was abducted by a savage gang of bandits, so I’m going to need the day off so I can get her back."
"Working today, my brain is not. Seeing a doctor about it, I am. "
"I’ve got a bad feeling about coming in today. "