In a Family Portrait
Placing a photo cutout of the elf in the frame with your family creates the impression that the elf has been watching your house for much longer than you've owned it. It knows about the time your children decided to draw on the walls in permanent marker five years ago ...
In a Box of Tissues
The elf is commonly on display right in the midst of cold and flu season. Imagine reaching for a tissue, only to pull on a hidden elf’s head. You would definitely check the next time before blowing your nose. You might even stop the practice altogether.
If you want to scar your children, tuck the elf underneath their blanket. Sure, they won’t be able to sleep for a few days, but they also will listen the next time you give them instructions.
In the Refrigerator
Does your child have a habit of snacking in between meals? If they open the refrigerator to see this creepy guy, they might think twice before sneaking some chocolate pudding before dinner.
In the Car
If your child is in a rush for school and jumps into the car to find an elf strapped to the back of the seat, they will realize that the little menace has no boundaries. It can follow them throughout the day. This will give them loads to talk to their therapist about later in life.
On the Toilet
The bathroom is the one place that leaves you most vulnerable. When you make your children think that they are being watched while answering nature’s call, you are taking away their sense of privacy and replacing it with sheer terror.
On the Bathroom Counter
Anyone that puts their elf in the bathroom like this just turns their helpful little assistant into a terrifying mastermind that’s waiting for the right time to take the family out.
Actually, Anywhere in the Bathroom
We’re just going to draw the line and say anywhere in the bathroom is creepy. Stepping out of the shower? BAM! Elf. Brushing your teeth? ELF! He’s everywhere, all at once.
In an Open Door
When you reach for a door handle and an elf falls at your feet, you start to reevaluate your belief in the concept of goodness. Also, you wake everyone up with your scream. I know because it happened to ... a friend.
Under a Cup
The whole point of elf on a shelf is that it is out in the open. So when you hide it where you know that your child will find it accidentally, you are messing with the sanctity of the game. When you child goes for a glass of water and finds an elf, they will have a minor heart attack.
In the Closet
It is natural for children to think that there are monsters in the closet, but they are usually wrong. Not this time. The elf sees you all the time ... even when you let your guard down to pick out clothes for the day.
In the Christmas Tree
The tree is supposed to be the ultimate symbol of holiday cheer. Once your child sees an elf watching them through the branches, they may start to seriously consider abandoning your family altogether to find one with less creepy traditions.
In the Kitchen
A lot of people like to do cute little setups where the elf is cooking or something, and that can be a little adorable (although also creepy). However, the last thing you want is to go to make a smoothie and see an elf in the blender. Terrifying.
Climbing the Wall
Something about the elf climbing the wall sends shivers down our spine. It gives it more movement than anything else on the list, and honestly, we’re having flashbacks from Child’s Play.
Starting a Fire
Sure, roasting marshmallows on an open fire can be adorable…unless it’s an elf. Elves and fire don't mix, and it's super creepy. Plus, the last thing your children need is encouragement to try to light a candle so they can roast a marshmallow. We get it’s a fake candle, but still...
In the Microwave
Going to warm up some leftovers only to find the elf’s been spying on you all along through the microwave. It’ll probably prevent your child from making any food on own.
In the Cupboard
Thirsty? Get a cup, unless the elf has claimed it for himself. At least your child may be too scared to get a drink of water in the middle of the night.
At the Office
This one is scary for your co-workers. When you’re messing about in the office, you don’t want to be watched. No one does, but there he is. Ever watchful. Always eyeing.
In the Dryer
It’s hair-raising enough to think about the elf getting tossed around like some sort of terrifying torture chamber. It’s another if the elf actually goes through the dryer. Melted elf everywhere.
In the Oven
Speaking of melted elf, don’t put him in the oven. This could happen, and then your kids will be forced to see their little buddy after he’s “passed.” Not sure Santa can fix this one.
Dressed Up Scary Elf Anywhere
Yeah, this isn't a location per-say, but it had to be included. Apparently, it’s become a thing to dress elves up as zombies or characters from scary movies. It could be fun to do to a spouse, but it could also make them pee a little. And kiddos? Yeah, they’re not sleeping.
The Kids’ Room
We get the elf is supposed to watch your children, but there has to be a line. Even a child needs a bit of privacy, and having the elf creeping around in their bedroom is a little much.
In Lunch Bags
Going to get a sandwich and suddenly, it’s coming up elves. Elves should remain away from food, actually. We don’t want to think about what he’s up to in there.
On Light Fixtures
It’s hard to remember elves in light fixtures. You could go to replace a light bulb in February to find a half-melted elf clinging to dear life.
In the Driveway
The thought of the elf driving up can be cute, but also a little frightening depending on your child. Is it okay if the elf can follow them around no matter where they go? “I always feel like somebody’s watching me” to a whole new level.