Genesis discusses many things, one being the lineage and ages of many important figures. Adam, the first human, lived to be a whopping 930 years old. It wasn't uncommon for early humans in the bible to live to be hundreds of years old, although that seems impossible. Maybe God just had a really good healthcare plan for his disciples.
2 Kings 2:23-24
A group of kids saw Elisha, who was acting as the hand of God on Earth, and made fun of him for being bald. Elisha was so enraged that he summoned two bears to come and massacre all 42 kids. That's right, he used his Godly powers to murder almost 50 children with bears he magically summoned for mocking him.
Balaam, a diviner from the Old Testament, was traveling on his donkey to Moab. Balaam is punishing his donkey for suddenly stopping (because it saw an angel and was terrified) when God grants it the power to speak. The donkey complains about how he's being treated (which somehow saves Balaam's life from the angry angel?), much to Balaam's surprise. In real life, we all know that animals can't talk.
Jesus and his disciples were stopped and told to pay the two-drachma Temple Tax. Although Jesus says he and his friends are exempt, he decides to pay up anyway and makes the coins appear in the first fish Peter catches. I don't know what's more unrealistic, willingly paying taxes or performing a magic trick with the fish and money.
Did you know God can't fight? Jacob found that out the hard way when God disguises himself as a human and then starts a fight with Jacob. God was losing the scrap pretty bad, so he dislocated Jacob's hip so he could win. Why should a literal God have to fight dirty? Apparently, this exact boxing match led to the rule that Christians can't eat the tendon attached to the hip socket in animals because that's where Jacob's hip was touched.
Samson wanted to get revenge on the Philistines because his dad gave his wife away (because that makes sense), so he hatched a plan. He rounded up 300 foxes, tied them together, and then set them loose on a Philistine grain field. Good luck catching one fox, much less 300.
One day, the Apostle Paul was giving a speech to a roomful of people. It was just too boring for one man to handle because he fell asleep while sitting on a windowsill. He fell backward to his death, but that's not the unbelievable part. The Apostle Paul went to him and brought him back to life, which is impossible.
This verse talks about the fall of Sodom, one of the more unsettling (as well as unbelievable) moments in the Bible. Two angels visit Lot, and the men of the town show up to his house. They demand to have their way with the angels. Lot offers the crowd of men his virgin daughters instead and, when the group refuses, the angels strike the town blind. God then destroyed the city with fire and brimstone and turned Lot's wife into a pillar of salt for looking back against God's orders.
Remember Samson, the guy who caught 300 foxes? Well, he was traveling with his parents to pick up his wife (before Samson's dad gave her away) when a lion suddenly appeared. Samson summoned the Lord's strength and tore the lion apart with his bare hands. He also didn't tell his parents. First of all, how can a human kill a lion barehanded? Second, how did Samson's parents not notice?
A group of men approached Jesus and asked him how to prevent "accidentally" groping women. Jesus brilliantly tells them to cut off their hands because it's better to have no hands than to sin by assaulting a woman. That's not believable, though, considering all the rape that happened in the Bible and the lack of hand-less men.
2 Kings 6:1-7
Remember Elisha, the guy who killed 42 kids with bears for calling him bald? He's back with another unbelievable act. This time, he retrieved an ax that sank to the bottom of the Jordan river by putting a stick on the surface of the water and making the ax head float to the top. I want to know what store this guy gets his magic tricks from.
The Holy Spirit/God got the Virgin Mary pregnant with Jesus (who is also God and The Holy Spirit). How realistic is it that a non-physical being got a virgin pregnant? It certainly hasn't happened any other time than in the Bible.
We all know Jesus was crucified under the cross. You know the saying, he "suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and buried. On the third day, he rose from the dead." For as many other people who have been resurrected, it shouldn't be surprising anymore, but it doesn't make it any more believable.
Jesus wanted some alone time to pray, so he sent his disciples out on a ship ahead of him. When he was finished praying, he walked across the water to the boat. The Apostle Peter also walked out onto the water to greet Jesus but started to sink when he became afraid and started to doubt the Lord. So, not only can Jesus walk on water, but if you just believe hard enough then apparently anyone can.
Jonah was running away from the Lord because he didn't want to go preach in Nineveh as the Lord commanded. As he was journeying across the sea on a ship, the Lord sent a great storm. Jonah was thrown into the water to please God and was then promptly swallowed by a giant fish. He lived for three days and nights inside before being vomited out. It's incredibly unrealistic that anyone would survive that.
One day, God looked down on the Earth and decided everything was corrupt an evil, except Noah. He ordered Noah to build an ark large enough to house seven pairs of every kind of clean animal and one pair of every unclean animal. God then sent rains that lasted 40 days and nights and left the Earth flooded for 150 days. Somehow, Noah was able to build what must have been a truly massive ship and wrangle all those animals.
Revelations 12 & 13
There are quite a few unrealistic beasts that make an appearance in this part of the Bible. We meet Satan, who appears as a giant red dragon with seven heads and ten horns, with seven crowns on his head. He knocked a third of the stars out of the sky and then called forth another beast, one with ten horns, seven heads, and ten crowns. This beast was also spotted like a leopard, had the feet of a bear, and the mouth of a lion, making it sound a lot like a fairytale monster.
Here we learn about Jesus performing another miracle: raising the dead from their tomb. Jesus intentionally let Lazarus die so that he could prove his power to his followers as well as the doubters. All it took was a few simple words and Lazarus, who had been dead for four days, walked out of his tomb and greeted his family. No one even freaked out when they saw a zombie walk out of the cave.
I'm bringing Jesus with me to the next party because he also has the power to turn water into wine. In this case, Jesus was being the best party guest and decided to restock the alcohol when it ran out so the wedding festivities could continue. Not only that, but he turned that water into some fine, delicious wine that greatly pleased the master of the banquet.
Daniel was an exile from Judah who had been given an administrative role under King Darius. Darius loved Daniel because Daniel was a kind, honest man. Other government officials were jealous of Daniel's favor and hatched a plot that got Daniel thrown into a den of hungry lions. Through the divine, magical power of God and angels, the lions left Daniel alone all night. It's hard to believe that one man in a room full of angry lions would survive five minutes, much less the whole night.
Moses was just minding his business and tending his father-in-law's flock of sheep when he noticed a fire. A bush was engulfed in flames but didn't burn up. He approached the bush, and God spoke to him from the light. It seems like Moses might have been burning something other than a just bush if he saw and heard a spiritual being speak to him through a flaming plant.
In what was a truly impressive power move, God gave Moses the power to part the Red Sea in order to help the Israelites escape the oppressive Egyptians. Once they were safely across, Moses let the Red Sea go, and it swallowed up the Egyptians who followed them. It's a great story, but just not realistic that a human man could divide millions of gallons of water to allow a whole group of people safe travel across the sea floor.
In the early days of humans, right as they were starting to really populate the Earth, angels started to notice the beautiful human women. The sons of God married and procreated with the daughters of humans and brought forth the Nephilim. They were the giant half-breed offspring that were known as the "heroes of old." There certainly aren't any giant, half-angels running around today.
King Adoni-Zedek was starting a war with the town of Gibeon for making peace and becoming allies with the Israelites. Joshua, leader of the Israelites after Moses died, was traveling to Gibeon to help fight with his army. Joshua looked to God and asked the sun and moon to stop so the could have more time in battle. Of course, God obliged and stop the natural progress of the universe so Joshua could have a few extra hours of daylight for his war.
Women have always been described as weak, sinful, conniving, and unclean beings in the Bible. A woman is unclean for at least a month after she gives birth and can't go to church or touch anything sacred. If she gives birth to a boy, it's 40 days before she can make an offering and be made clean again. If a woman gives birth to a girl, she must wait 80 days. Can you imagine waiting 80 days before you can go to church again just because you had a baby girl?
God was vengeful and could be quite cruel, often killing someone's whole family for their individual sins. In this case, God promises to send plagues, famine, and war to those who ignore them. He even tells his "beloved children" that they will eat the flesh of their own babies once He starves them long enough. Who knew threatening horrible punishments is definitely the way to make people love and worship you?
The Bible is sounding an awful lot like a fairytale story filled with dragons, half-angel warriors, and now, unicorns. Unicorns are mentioned several times in the bible, such as in Job 39:9, Psalm 29:6, and here in Isaiah. In some versions, like NIV, the word "unicorn" is changed to "wild ox" to make it more believable in today's time. Nice try, Bible editors. We didn't forget about the older versions, like the King James Version, that tells us unicorns roam the land.
Jesus was in Capernaum, a town in Galilee, spreading the word of God like always. While he was visiting Simon, he healed his mother from an intense fever. Once the townsfolk heard about this, all the sick people came to Jesus, and he healed them from their diseases and ailments. Jesus is famous for his healing powers, but how realistic is it that one man could just heal any sickness with the touch of his hand? They sure don't teach that in medical school.
After the beheading of John the Baptist, Jesus went to go be alone. However, a crowd followed him and he took compassion on them by healing the sick. He also fed the crowd of 5,000 with only five loaves of bread and two fish. The humble amount of food not only fed everyone until they were satisfied, but there were 12 baskets full of leftovers.
Ehud, a left-handed man, was named the deliverer of the Israelites when they were subjected to the rule of Eglon, King of Moab. Ehud managed to get a private meeting with the king and stabbed him so deep that the handle of the sword went in Eglon, too. The king's bowels fell out of his body and the sword was sucked inside, disappearing into Eglon's massive rolls of fat. Yes, you read that right. A whole sword got pulled inside that man's body.