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33 News Headlines That Could Only Come Out of Florida

When you hear something on your local news, you may not think twice about it. Maybe you get the occasional story that makes you laugh out loud as opposed to blowing more air out of your nose than usual. That isn’t the case with Florida. Some of the stories leave us with a question that burns to be answered: What is Florida?

It honestly seems like the state is another dimension where common sense doesn’t exist. Sure, not everyone in Florida is a bit off their rocker, but plenty of news headlines make the rest of us wonder what’s going on. Does Florida need help? Should we help them or leave them on their own? Whatever the answer is, we can enjoy the stories while they come out. Over the last few years, Florida has come out with the most out-of-this-world news headlines you’ll probably ever read. Would you ever hear “Drunk Florida Brought Alligator on Beer Run” in your home? Well, that actually happened in Florida.

For fun, we decided to compile the funniest headlines involving “Florida Man,” “Florida Woman,” and general Florida headlines that only really happen in that state. We hope you get better, Florida. The first step is admitting you have a problem.

All new stories are taken from local Florida websites.

Florida Man Arrested Outside Olive Garden After Eating Pasta Belligerently

Florida Man Arrested Outside Olive Garden After Eating Pasta Belligerently

If you're going to eat pasta, don't ask for money and yell at them. One Florida man got some pasta at an Olive Garden and began eating it "in an inappropriate manner" while asking patrons for money and yelling expletives at them. Police arrived to find 32-year-old Ben Padgett sitting shirtless outside of the restaurant, shoving spaghetti into his mouth with his hands. He was arrested after resisting the officers.

Man Called 911 to See if Tax Return had Come In

Man Called 911 to See if Tax Return had Come In

Everyone wants to know when their tax return will come in, and one Florida man figured 911 was the best way to find out. James Mahoney called 911 and said he was “messed up,” but wanted to check on his tax return. Deputies didn’t care that he had had one too many when they charged him with making a false 911 call.  He was sentenced to two days in jail and ordered to pay $450.

Truck Stolen with 36,000 Pounds of Crisco Inside

Truck Stolen with 36,000 Pounds of Crisco Inside

Remember those weird test questions in school about something ridiculous, like a guy having 30 watermelons? Well, a Florida man must have been the inspiration. In 2014, a truck carrying approximately 36,000 pounds of Crisco sticks was stolen. The truck was later found with Crisco still inside, but police didn’t measure to ensure it was the full amount. The suspect was never found.

Florida Driver Calls 911 to Complain about Traffic Ticket

Florida Driver Calls 911 to Complain about Traffic Ticket

A Florida man, Judes Exantus, was pulled over after running a stop sign during a turn. Naturally, he denied running the stop sign and began to argue with the police officer about it. Well, while the deputy was writing up the ticket, Exantus called 911 to complain about how long it was taking the officer. The deputy admitted there was a delay, but the 911 call landed Exantus in jail for an additional charge.

Hologram-Wielding Intruders Abducted Woman, Man Claims

Hologram-Wielding Intruders Abducted Woman, Man Claims

A Florida man claimed that intruders had kidnapped his wife with the assistance of holograms. When police arrived, he was wielding a baseball bat and declared that “the men” had used “holograms to project signals on the walls” to get him to do what they wanted and to “communicate with each other.” Because there was no criminal activity, no one was arrested. His wife was actually at his aunt’s home.

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Plane Hits, Kills 500-Pound Alligator at Orlando Executive Airport

Plane Hits, Kills 500-Pound Alligator at Orlando Executive Airport

A flight in Orlando Executive Airport didn’t go as planned when a massive 11-foot alligator crossed the runway and jumped into the plane as it was landing. The gator died instantly. Apparently, this isn’t an uncommon occurrence. This story is from 2017, but there have been similar incidents in 2012 and 2013.

 

(Image via Greg Goebel/Yap31_1b/CC BY-SA 2.0/Flickr; Eric Killby/Alligator on Land/CC BY-SA 2.0/Flickr)

Florida Man Likes to do Yard Work in the Buff

Florida Man Likes to do Yard Work in the Buff

Some Florida neighbors were pretty upset at their neighbor who loved to do yard work—among other chores—in the buff. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much the police could do unless he crossed his property line or touched himself inappropriately. Not all neighbors were upset about it, though. One was quoted as saying, “Literally, they are the nicest people you’ll ever meet. They would give you their clothes if they had them on to give them to you.”

Fire Breaks Out at Hospital After Florida Man Smokes in ICU

Fire Breaks Out at Hospital After Florida Man Smokes in ICU

This all happened at the North Okaloosa Medical Center. A patient somehow obtained an illegal substance and a homemade smoking device from his friend on Christmas Eve. Well, turns out the patient was on oxygen. Naturally, this caused a small fire, which damaged the linens, gown, and the face mask. Yikes!

(Image via Orlando Sentinel)

Ice Cream Man Attacked at Ocala Park

Ice Cream Man Attacked at Ocala Park

Marion County police were called when three armed men tried to rob an ice cream store. Originally, the three men attempted to pay for their pickled sausage with a counterfeit $20 bill. The ice cream man questioned the validity of the money, and they pulled out their little friend. The ice cream man wrestled it away, and the men fled.

Florida Store Owner: Don't Warm Urine in My Microwave

Florida Store Owner: Don't Warm Urine in My Microwave

Have you ever seen a sign and wondered, “What prompted that?” Well, a Florida store owner encountered an issue that required him to hang a sign ordering people not to warm their urine in his microwave. Apparently, it was a major issue. People would walk in off the street to warm their containers prior to a drug test.

(Image via KTAL News)

Floridian Brought Alligator on Store Run

Floridian Brought Alligator on Store Run

When you need a drink, you can’t leave your gator at home! A man walked into a gas station with a live, five-foot alligator. Hilariously enough, you can find footage of Robert Timothy Barr chasing someone in the gas station with the animal under his arm. He was arrested and charged with illegal possession of an alligator, illegal exhibition of dangerous wildlife, and cruelty to animals.

(Image via CBS Miami)

Florida Man Pokes Girlfriend in Eye After She Brings Him Wrong Birthday Breakfast

Florida Man Pokes Girlfriend in Eye After She Brings Him Wrong Birthday Breakfast

A fight ensued between a man and his girlfriend after she brought him waffles instead of pancakes on his birthday. How dare she?! Upset by his surprise, James Irving poked his girlfriend in the eye. This landed him a misdemeanor battery charge and a $5,000 bond.

 

(Image via Local10By Parkerman & Christie from San Diego, USA - Crispy Waffles with Strawberries, CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia)

Florida Man Clears a Jail Courtroom by Claiming He Has Ebola

Florida Man Clears a Jail Courtroom by Claiming He Has Ebola

Ebola is a pretty serious illness, so when an inmate claimed he had Ebola, the judge was forced to take the whole thing very seriously. The judge had everyone clear the courtroom, and Joseph Britton, the inmate with Ebola, claimed the comment was “taken out of context.” The Sheriff’s Office later released a statement saying that they “do not believe the inmate has Ebola” but are “taking precautions.”

Florida Man Breaks into Home, Steals Drinks, Falls Asleep on Couch

Florida Man Breaks into Home, Steals Drinks, Falls Asleep on Couch

Late one night, a Florida couple woke up to find that someone had broken into their home. The criminal left their prized possessions alone but targeted their adult drinks. The man, Brettan Houldin, drank a full bottle of champagne, a whole bottle of wine, and three beers. Houldin also took off his pants, defecated throughout the house, and fell asleep on the couch. Police were called, and he was escorted to prison with some shiny new bracelets.

(Image via ABC Action News)

Urination Incident at Thanksgiving Gathering Leads to Arrest

Urination Incident at Thanksgiving Gathering Leads to Arrest

Thanksgiving can be rough for some families, but it was a particularly difficult time for a Florida family. While visiting his girlfriend’s family, a man was arrested after he urinated on the living room floor. Willie B. Norfolk Jr. began shouting at officers when they arrived but was soon escorted out following the urination.

Florida Politician Says Aliens Took Her on a Spaceship

Florida Politician Says Aliens Took Her on a Spaceship

Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, a Republican politician who ran for Congress, released an unusual statement about her past in 2018. She claimed that when she was seven years old, she was taken aboard a spaceship by blond extraterrestrials who resembled the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro. They told her that the “center of the world’s energy is Africa” and a few other things that are pretty questionable.

Police Drive Up to Dispute Blaring Soul Music

Police Drive Up to Dispute Blaring Soul Music

Usually, police blast sirens when they arrive at a crime scene – not in Jacksonville. The police were called when a neighbor began berating another neighbor in a dispute over pictures uploaded to Facebook. As the police roll up, you can hear “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” blasting in place of sirens. After stopping, the music ceased, and an officer asked calmly, “What are y’all arguing about?”

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Man Arrested for Offering MJ in Exchange for Food at Store

Man Arrested for Offering MJ in Exchange for Food at Store

Late 2018, police were called to a Circle K gas station to investigate illegal substance activity. When they arrived, they discovered a man was trying to “purchase” MJ with a hot dog. The man in question, Danny DeJesus, put it in a cup and then gave it to the cashier in exchange for the food. The employee took the cup and called 911.

(Image via Summerfield Police Department)

Man Offered $3 and Chicken Dinner for Intimacy

Man Offered $3 and Chicken Dinner for Intimacy

This headline comes thanks to a hustling sting in Seminole County. Seven men were arrested, one of whom had offered a chicken dinner and $3 in exchange for “services.” Naturally, the chicken man, Steven Torres, was arrested and charged.

Florida Man Indicted in Pizza, Wings Theft

Florida Man Indicted in Pizza, Wings Theft

When you’re hungry, what do you do? A Florida man decided it was best to steal pizza and wings from a delivery driver. Maximilliam Xavier Mack was promptly arrested in Palatka, FL for armed robbery, two counts of aggravated assault, and possession of a firearm in early 2014. The unfortunate delivery driver wasn’t physically harmed, thankfully.

Florida Man Bites Neighbor's Ear Off Over Bumming a Cig

Florida Man Bites Neighbor's Ear Off Over Bumming a Cig

A Florida man decided to emulate Mike Tyson when his neighbor refused to give him a cig. According to Boca police, the victim was missing a substantial chunk of his ear. In fact, a thin piece of cartilage is the only thing that kept the whole ear from being ripped off. The man, Alberto Felipe, was arrested with a $3,000 bond.

Rich Schultz/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Florida Man Reportedly Attempts to Rob Convenience Store Armed With...a Finger

Florida Man Reportedly Attempts to Rob Convenience Store Armed With...a Finger

Early one morning in 2018, a Lee County man attempted to rob a 7-Eleven clerk using only his finger. The man walked into the store with a red shirt covering his face. He approached the clerk with a pointed finger, demanding all the cash from the register. The clerk refused, and the man left.

Florida Man Breaks into Stranger's Garage, Makes Coffee

Florida Man Breaks into Stranger's Garage, Makes Coffee

A Florida man was arrested in 2018 after police were called for a reported break-in. When they arrived, they found the door frame had been broken, and the criminal had made himself a good cup ‘o Joe. When the police caught up with Raymond E. Furr, the burglar, they found a pair of scissors in his front pocket and upped the charge to armed burglary, criminal mischief, and petit theft.

 

(Image via Pinellas County Sheriff's Office)

Florida Teacher Accused of Filing False Police Report as Cover for Being Late for Work

Florida Teacher Accused of Filing False Police Report as Cover for Being Late for Work

Karter Clark, a Port Charlotte teacher, was arrested and accused of filing a false police report. The report claimed two men were posing as deputies, driving around in an unmarked car, armed. Once it was discovered to be false, officials claimed that the teacher called the police because he was running late for work.

South Florida Teacher Fired for Throwing Party in Classroom

South Florida Teacher Fired for Throwing Party in Classroom

A South Florida teacher was fired after she threw an adult surprise party for a former student in her classroom. The party was complete with candles, hats, and lollipops in the shape of a particular male organ. When parents found out, they were outraged because it happened in front of students as young as 11 years old.

Florida Man Accused of Starting a Fight

Florida Man Accused of Starting a Fight

A Jacksonville, Florida man was arrested in 2018 because he chased a man who was riding a bike and challenged him to a fight outside of a Chick-Fil-A. Cory Hatzi reportedly took off his clothes and began yelling at nearby people, telling them to look at his nether region. He was arrested on charges of disorderly conduct and resisting officers.

(Afif Ramdhasuma/Unsplash)

Florida Woman Farts “Loudly,” Then Things Really Escalate

Florida Woman Farts “Loudly,” Then Things Really Escalate

A Florida woman faced aggravated assault charges after she passed gas at a dollar store. The report says that the two got into an argument “in reference to the defendant farting loudly.” Then, the woman pulled a knife from her purse and claimed she would use it on him.

Man Running for Mayor Once Arrested for Fighting a Drag Queen with a Tiki Torch

Man Running for Mayor Once Arrested for Fighting a Drag Queen with a Tiki Torch

Boyd Corbin was arrested in 2012 for donning a KKK costume, grabbing a Tiki Torch, and getting in a fight with a drag queen. The scuffle landed him in court with felony aggravated assault charges with a deadly weapon. Two years later, Corbin decided to run for mayor. Despite his past, Corbin was very confident he would win. Spoiler alert: he did not.

Florida Man Stuffs Chainsaw Down His Pants in Shoplifting Case

Florida Man Stuffs Chainsaw Down His Pants in Shoplifting Case

A Florida man was caught on tape as he shoved a chainsaw down his pants and tried to leave the store nonchalantly. Employees chased the criminal, Anthony Ballard, who decided to ditch the chainsaw in a wooded lot. Later, he came back to fetch it, only to be spotted by the same employees, who had called the police. He was arrested on grand theft charges.

(Image via CBS Texas)

911 Pocket Dial Leads Police to Illicit Substance Lab in Florida

911 Pocket Dial Leads Police to Illicit Substance Lab in Florida

Three Floridians were arrested after an accidental butt-dial to 911. Authorities overheard the three talking about an alleged drug operation and decided to investigate. After tracing the call, they arrived at the home to find a meth lab. The three suspects were charged with manufacturing and possession with intent to sell.

Human Remains Mistaken for Mannequin Brought to Florida Landfill

Human Remains Mistaken for Mannequin Brought to Florida Landfill

Two Florida men were hired to clean out a vacant house in Tampa Bay. As they were cleaning, they found a mannequin hanging in the garage. They took it down and threw it in the trash. They also found lots of garbage and rats, which made the place awfully smelly. Well, it turns out the mannequin was an extremely decomposed body, something that was discovered when they reached the waste dump station. The smell had been the body, but the rats and trash probably didn't help much.

(Collab Media/Unsplash)

Florida Man Arrested After Yelling About How Terrible Florida Is

Florida Man Arrested After Yelling About How Terrible Florida Is

You’re more than welcome to express how much you hate something in America—as long as it isn’t Florida you're hating on while you’re in Florida. A man was arrested the day after Thanksgiving because he yelled in the streets at people about how terrible the state is. He claimed, “Florida was an inferior state” and “every state was better.” He also told police that he would kill them if they arrested him.

Florida Man Arrested for Smoking in Maternity Ward After Delivery

Florida Man Arrested for Smoking in Maternity Ward After Delivery

Having a baby is pretty nerve-wracking, so one man decided to vape an illicit substance just to get through the stress. A nurse caught the scent of it and called the police. That’s when police found the Jupiter resident smoking while his girlfriend was in labor. The father-to-be was charged with possession.

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