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35 Naughty Christmas Cards That Will Make You Blush

35 Naughty Christmas Cards That Will Make You Blush. Christmas is on its way and so are all the cards with cheesy family photos we are about to start discovering in our mailboxes. Why not be honest with ourselves for a change and reflect on what Christmas is REALLY about: too much food, ugly sweaters, annoying family members, useless gifts, and an empty bank account. It's such a wonderful time of the year to veg out and binge Christmas specials on TV. And what can be better than revealing your true Christmas spirit in a form of a witty, dark-humored card that will make your grandma's skin crawl and your parents wonder what's wrong with you. And even if the only person who will appreciate your sense of humor is your uncle who everyone says has lost touch with reality, not to worry, the important part is that you stayed true to yourself.

We're still laughing at these creatively naughty Christmas cards we wish our families were cool enough to send out. Put that "Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer" song on, pour yourself a glass of wine, and check out these 35 hilarious top picks we took the liberty of compiling together for your entertainment.

Jealous

"So, you're spending the holidays alone? I'm so jealous."

Image via Instagram

Revenge

"And for this, I will poop in your shoe."

Image via Instagram

Where Are We?

"Rudolph...Where are we?"

Image via Instagram

No Tongues

"No tongues"

Image via Instagram

Three Wise Men

"When you find three wise men please let me know"

Image via Instagram

Jesus Loves You

"Jesus loves you (but I'm His favorite)"

Image via Instagram

Conspiracy

"An international conspiracy designed to get kids to behave. Now that's a holiday."

Image via Instagram

Tinsel

"Have you seen the tinsel?" "No."

Image via Instagram

Can't Deal

"You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why: Because Santa just can't deal with all your emotions right now."

Image via Instagram

Can We Get Drunk?

"Is it Christmas now? And can we get drunk?"

Image via Instagram

Roast Your Chestnuts

"This Christmas I'd like to roast your chestnuts"

Image via Instagram

Just Like Your Girlfriend

"Christmas only comes once a year just like your girlfriend"

Image via Facebook

Getting Lit

"The tree isn't the only thing getting lit this year."

Image via Instagram

Ya Filthy Animal

"Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal"

Image via Instagram

Best Season

"'Tis the season to drink too much with the coworkers, friends, & family who are the reason you drink too much..."

Image via Instagram

Let's Be Naughty

"Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip"

Image via Instagram

Freezing

"You have yourself a Merry Christmas. Meanwhile I'll just stand here, freezing my balls off."

Image via Instagram

Horror Santa

"Santa Claus is coming to town!"

"He's gonna find out!"

"He sees you when you're sleeping!"

Image via Instagram

Google Maps

"See!? Right where Google Maps said it would be!"

Image via Instagram

Naughty AF

"Let's be naughty AF"

Image via Instagram

Boring

"Whore! Whore! Whore! Ah, you've been boring, you can have a present"

Image via Instagram

Tis The Season...For Xanax

"'Tis the season for Xanax"

Image via Instagram

You Have Me

"You have me so...I don't know what else you could possibly wish for...but knock yourself out."

Image via Instagram

Touch My Elf

"Remember to put out for Santa!!!"

"Let's drink mulled wine & talk utter sh*t!"

"When I think of you...I touch my 'elf..."

Image via Instagram

Instagram

"From the desk of Santa: I've seen your Instagram...you're getting sweaters and a bible for Christmas. Love, Santa"

Image via Instagram

Well Hung

"The stockings aren't the only things well-hung this year."

Image via Instagram

Excited

"We all get a little excited this time of year."

Image via Instagram

Don't Be a Prick

"It's Christmas (don't be a prick)"

Image via Instagram

Did I Miss Much?

"Happy hibernation!"

"Did I miss much?"

"Christmas"

Image via Instagram

This Christmas

"This Christmas instead of gifts, I'm giving everyone...my opinions! You're welcome."

Image via Instagram

White Christmas

"Stop dreaming of a white Christmas, you massive racist"

Image via Instagram

Merry Twerk-Mas

"Merry Twerk-mas"

Image via Instagram

Card For Co-Workers

"From: You

"To: Someone at your work

"Subject: Merry Christmas

"Have a lovely Christmas. I've really enjoyed* working with you this year."

"*I say enjoyed - it's been bearable."

Image via Instagram

B*tch Please

"B*tch, please"

Image via Instagram

Bloated

"It's the most ~~wonderful~~ bloated time of the year"

Image via Instagram

Author Alot Living Team Last Updated: December 08, 2018

35 Naughty Christmas Cards That Will Make You Blush

Jealous

Revenge

Where Are We?

No Tongues

Three Wise Men

Jesus Loves You

Conspiracy

Tinsel

Can't Deal

Can We Get Drunk?

Roast Your Chestnuts

Just Like Your Girlfriend

Getting Lit

Ya Filthy Animal

Best Season

Let's Be Naughty

Freezing

Horror Santa

Google Maps

Naughty AF

Boring

Tis The Season...For Xanax

You Have Me

Touch My Elf

Instagram

Well Hung

Excited

Don't Be a Prick

Did I Miss Much?

This Christmas

White Christmas

Merry Twerk-Mas

Card For Co-Workers

B*tch Please

Bloated

Read these next

About Us

Jealous

Revenge

Where Are We?

No Tongues

Three Wise Men

Jesus Loves You

Conspiracy

Tinsel

Can't Deal

Can We Get Drunk?

Roast Your Chestnuts

Just Like Your Girlfriend

Getting Lit

Ya Filthy Animal

Best Season

Let's Be Naughty

Freezing

Horror Santa

Google Maps

Naughty AF

Boring

Tis The Season...For Xanax

You Have Me

Touch My Elf

Instagram

Well Hung

Excited

Don't Be a Prick

Did I Miss Much?

This Christmas

White Christmas

Merry Twerk-Mas

Card For Co-Workers

B*tch Please

Bloated

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About Us