Some people enjoy watching the Oscars. Others don’t. Many complain that it’s all too predictable and not surprising enough, and we can’t help but agree. It’s for that reason that we’d like to see the following things, however unlikely or impossible, happen at the Oscars to spice things up:
- Leo Pulls a Kanye
Or someone needs to pull one for him. Dicaprio isn’t nominated this year, making this dream impossible, but if he’s ever snubbed again, it sure would be entertaining to see someone stand up, steal the mic from the actual winner, and tell the world that Leo is the best actor of all time. Of all time. It would also be a plus if they were drinking Hennessey from the bottle before the ceremony in true Kanye fashion.
- People Acknowledge How Weird Benedict Cumberbatch’s Name is
Regardless of his talent, this man’s name sounds like what an insane person might name themselves if they had the choice. Raise your hand if you'd like to see the presenters, after getting together beforehand and agreeing to do so, “misread” his name initially for laughs. “And the nominees are: Steve Carell, Bradley Cooper, Benjamin Cucumberpatch—wait, no—that’s… Benedict Cumberbatch, sorry.”
- Bradley Cooper Apologizes to Southerners Everywhere
American Sniper seems like an awesome movie based on an incredible true story about an American hero, and it's got six nominations to its name. Bradley Cooper's take on his character's accent, however, is less than awesome, and somehow almost un-American. The South breeds some interesting accents, but few as imbecilic-sounding as Cooper’s. It might be enough to fool people in other regions, but Southerners are sure to peg the accent as a swing and a miss. Cooper should make an apology speech, on behalf of him and his dialect coach, to the entire southern United States.
- Someone Who Isn’t a White Male Wins
Wouldn’t that be crazy--someone other than a white male winning at this year’s Oscars? That was sarcasm, but the program this year is whiter and more male-dominated than usual, so it’s highly unlikely. I guess we as Americans just haven’t seen enough rich, white men get recognition (more sarcasm).
- Michael Keaton Flies in to Accept His Award (if He Wins)
Keaton’s performance in Birdman has been nominated, so if he could fly in on wires, wearing his winged suit, that would just make everyone’s day. Actors take themselves way too seriously, so if we could see a celebrity descend upon the stage yelling “Wooooosh,” with arms outstretched, donning a bird suit, that might make them seem more approachable. Or insane. Either way, it’d be entertaining.