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Hilarious Texts Exchanged Between Landlords and Tenants

Dylan and Dennis, and Their Wild Conversations

Dylan and Dennis, and Their Wild Conversations

These are a series of texts between a tenant named Dylan and a landowner named Dennis (or Denny).

Needless to say, it’s clear Dylan has a lot of fun with responding to his landlord.  

  • Landowner: Dylan it’s Denny
  • Tenant: Dennis. We literally just hung up the phone 45 seconds ago.
  • Landowner: Ok I Just wanted to tel u neighbors called again
  • Tenant: Why Dennis. Why did the neighbors call.
  • Landowner: Music and truck are loud and hear shouting a lot in nighttime sometimes
  • Tenant: Tell them to shut their dogs up and I won't have to crank the speakers to 11 to drown out the noise of that purse squealer then Dennis. I thought you had my back.
  • Landowner: Ok I will let them kno thank u Dylan

Why Dennis? Why are the neighbors calling? Gotta say though, both are in the wrong here.

  • Tenant: Dennis, can you send Aaron over to fix the toilet and take a look at the HVAC? Pretty sure it's on its last leg.
  • Landowner: I will call Aaron
  • Landowner: Aaron it's Denny. Can you go to mound street look at commode and AC
  • Tenant: Dennis
  • Tenant: This is Dylan
  • Landowner: Sorry that u Dylan
  • Tenant: Are you asking if it's me? If so, yes, it is most definitely Dylan.
  • Landowner: That u Dylan
  • Landowner: Denny
  • Tenant: I'm trying, Dennis. I'm trying real hard, man.

Dylan is really trying, but Dennis seems a little tired. Maybe it's from dealing with Dylan?

  • Landowner: Hey dylan its Denny
  • Tenant: Good morning Dennis, how are you today?
  • Landowner: Rent
  • Tenant: In your mailbox
  • Landowner: Which
  • Tenant: Dennis…
  • Tenant: How many mailboxes do you have?
  • Landowner: We have mailbox
  • Tenant: Yes you do, Dennis. Yes you do.
  • Landowner: Rent is in mailbox thank u Dylan

But which mailbox, Dylan? Which mailbox is the rent check in?

  • Tenant: What up cuh. Anything shaking on the west end of town
  • Landowner: Hey dylan it's Denny. Did Aaron come by tonite
  • Tenant: I didn't see him, but I went for a cruise around sundown. Why was Aaron coming over?
  • Tenant: Everything is in ship shape as it is, and I don't want him to almost burn the house down with me in it still.
  • Landowner: :seductive winking emoji:
  • Tenant: Dennis.
  • Tenant: Never send me that emoji again.
  • Landowner: Ok thank u Dylan

We 100% agree with Dylan on this one. Your landlord shouldn’t ever send that emoji. No emoji except a thumbs up or the ok symbol.

  • Tenant: Dennis, why are the neighbors using my yard for their big garage sale?
  • Landowner: Which Dylan which neighbors
  • Tenant: Don't you play stupid with me.
  • Tenant: Did you seriously try to sublease our yard to the neighbors thinking I wouldn't find out?
  • Landowner: Yes
  • Tenant: Well, I did. And I admire your tenacity. However, I want part of the cut and a day prorated out of next month's rent. Those are my terms, Dennis.
  • Landowner: $5
  • Tenant: I want 10. I'm not negotiating this either.

Dylan should have tried to get a cut of the garage sales, too.

A day off of rent isn’t too terrible though. A win is a win.

To Be Greedy or Not To Be Greedy…

To Be Greedy or Not To Be Greedy…
  • Landowner: Assuming your income has dropped substantially, and I want to help you by $0 rent for April
  • Landowner: And we’ll will see what the situation is in May. Hope it helps!

It’s great to see landlords coming together to help out their tenants, especially since so many people lost their jobs in 2020 and 2021.

  • Landowner: Hi, just would like to let you know that your rent is $1,440.46 monthly.
  • Landowner: You were short for $0.46 the month of July. Please, make sure to pay the full amount every time! Thank you.

Why even bother having rent that ends with cents? This is the first rent place we’ve ever heard of that requires you to pay an uneven amount.

Not to mention, why not bump it up to $1,441? Did he think that the tenant was trying to steal $0.46 cents from him? This all makes zero sense.

  • Landowner: Hope you’re doing well, safe and healthy. With all this craziness going on right now, it's important for people to listen and help each other and show some empathy.
  • Landowner: I feel I want to do as much as I can to help others. Please next month subtract $400 from your rent which would be $925. Hope this relieves some stress we all share.
  • Landowner: I understand you have the bank send me an automatic payment. If so, I will write you a check for $400. Whatever is easy for you and yours.

First, the landlord subtracted $400! Then, when the automatic draft pulled it out, he or she offered to write a check? Give this landlord a gold star because they’re clearly amazing.

  • Landowner: Your boyfriend is living with you, so your rent is going up.
  • Tenant: He's not living here. He just sleeps over sometimes.
  • Tenant: You can't charge me more because I have s*x with my boyfriend.
  • Landowner: I'm not. I'm charging you more for waking up with him.

This one is a little confusing. You don’t pay more based on the number of people in an apartment, right? Ours were never like that.

However, we do totally get that the boyfriend should be on the lease. Every apartment-liver has been in this kind of situation.

  • Landowner: I need you to move out by end of the day. Thanks
  • Tenant: Bro I literally have nowhere to go during this I just got laid off

So much for human kindness. Also, we’re pretty sure the tenant has rights. Even the most basic of states require like 24 hour-notice.

The landlord is a huge piece of crap, especially since he just got laid off. Hopefully, the moratorium on evictions saved this guy.  

Creepy Tenants and Creepy Landlords…

Creepy Tenants and Creepy Landlords…
  • Landowner: Stopping by to confirm microwave area for the new replacement. Will be about 12:15ish.
  • Landowner: Microwave was procured today from Lowes. Just waiting to hear from the installer. (:
  • Tenant: Great! Thank you!
  • Landowner: Oh, btw, I took a pic of u ladies photo on ur fridge. Hope that is okay with u. It such a great pic, I coudln't resist. :winking emoji:

Um…excuse me? Under no circumstances should a landlord come into your home and take pictures of your loved ones – at least, that’s who we hope that person has on their fridge).

Nowadays, you really never know what people are up to. Maybe it’s time to start looking for another place to live.

  • Tenant: Hi beautiful
  • Landowner: Sorry. I can't. Company policy says I can't fraternize with tenants.
  • Tenant: Ok. What ever.
  • Tenant: That sucks so bad I think you're super sexy
  • Landowner: Thank you. I appreciate the compliment (:
  • Tenant: Maybe we could just cuddle once
  • Tenant: Please

This poor manager didn’t know what to do, clearly. Apparently, the guy sent texts like this regularly.

If we were the woman, it may be time to kick him out. At bare minimum, this guy probably shouldn’t have his lease renewed.

  • Tenant: Friday night...time 4 u to ride my [edited out] allllll night long ;)
  • Landowner: Keith, this is your landlord Mona.
  • Landowner: I think you texted me by mistake.
  • Tenant: I’m sorry this is embarrassing.
  • Landowner: Also your rent is 2 days late. Thanks

This was a creepy tenant. The grossest thing? He didn’t admit that it was sent to the wrong number.

  • Tenant: Hey Rich, I just wanted to see if you were home so I could drop off rent
  • Landowner: Yes I am
  • Tenant: Ugh I wish he still had a mailbox I could just drop it off in
  • Tenant: The past 2 times I've dropped it off to him he's wanted to like make small talk and it's so awkward
  • Tenant: Omg I’m so sorry
  • Tenant: Wrong person

It’s a little creepy that he removed his mailbox and now makes small talk, but the worst part?

He didn’t respond after she apologized.

Guess it’s just time to move (and move fast).

  • Landowner: Good morning. I had a dream that you were a baby

Why? Why, why, why?

It was followed up by a series of hearts and cute baby stickers (as it happened on Facebook).

  • Landowner: Hello did change mind?
  • (Future) Tenant: Hey Clarence no, we’ll bring down the lease tomorrow
  • Landowner: OK
  • Landowner: I want to be your husband

Alright, buddy. That’s a step too far.

We really hope the lady didn’t drop off the lease because that’s not the way to start the tenant/landlord situation.  


  • Landowner: You got our stimulus, just asking if you are going to pay rent or part of rent with any.
  • Landowner: I am trying to close out the books for April.
  • Tenant: How do you know I got my check?
  • Landowner: Because I had to check several people today and checked yours also
  • Landowner: People were calling me
  • Tenant: How did you check it?
  • Landowner: Online
  • Tenant: Where?
  • Landowner: IRS
  • Tenant: So you accessed this information on the IRS website? Did you like need to use my ssn for that or something?
  • Landowner: Yes
  • Landowner: I did this for everyone who called me today and yesterday.
  • Landowner: So are you going to be making a payment toward rent? So I can close the books out for April.

First of all, looking up that information is seriously illegal. Second of all, this landlord stepped over the line.

Pretty bad when your landlord casually admits to committing a federal crime.

The Clueless Ones Are Some of the Best

The Clueless Ones Are Some of the Best
  • Tenant: The hot water is broken.
  • Landowner: How?
  • Landowner: Can you send me some photos?
  • Tenant: *sends a photo*
  • Tenant: It looks like this but it’s not hot.  

How are you supposed to even send a photo of non-hot water? We’re not sure how that landowner expected things to work out.

Also, if the tenant knew why the hot water wasn’t working, they might try and fix it themselves. There’s no answer to “how” that would make sense!

  • Tenant: Just wanted to see when we could expect the oven replaced.
  • Tenant: Also, did you see Meredith's message above about the outlet?
  • Landowner: Hi folks. I didn't know we have an outside porch. I'll see if the electrician can come.
  • Landowner: Sure, I’ll order a new stove.

How did they not know they had an outside porch? This is one of those managers that never walked the grounds.

As a previous tenant, that’s a mess. How are they supposed to know everything is looking good?

  • Landowner: Because the going rate for two bedroom places is usually $1,200-$1,600 depending on where you are in the city…not to mention utilities
  • Landowner: Being a landlord is a lot harder than being a tenant...just saying.

Did we just read that right? This landowner honestly thinks it’s harder to be a landlord instead of a tenant.

(Most) Tenants can’t have pets or paint walls. They also can’t do some basic repairs or replacements without talking to the landlord.

Sure, landlords put in a lot of work, but some states don’t even have renters’ laws, which basically says “you gotta provide AC when the temps are 100 Fahrenheit.”

Um….Excuse me?

Um….Excuse me?
  • Tenant: Can you have someone clean this?
  • Tenant: I just slipped and fell and tracking it all in the house.
  • Landowner: That can be broomed off in 2 minutes
  • Tenant: Please have someone do it then. That's not our job.

Sounds like the landowner needs a reality check. If the tenants wanted to, they could clean it, but they aren’t required.

Also, why didn’t the lawn care person clean that up? That’s definitely their job after weed-eating or mowing.

  • Landowner: Please do not cook a big meal in the kitchen, because of steam alarm went on many times. Kitchen is just to eat and warm the food.
  • Landowner: It does not have capacity to cook for everyone. Just try to use it in smart way.
  • Landowner: Basically this is a dining area, not for cooking real big meal, as you use it at your home. Thanks.

Let’s review this one. The kitchen – with the stove and oven and whatnot sits – isn’t meant for cooking? That’s the first we’ve heard of that.

I guess it can’t really be called an apartment then because apartments require a kitchen. It’s a basic required feature.

  • Tenant: Hey WiFi down
  • Landowner: I don't answer to hey unless U hold a higher degree than me...Masters or Doctorate
  • Landowner: I don't get it. I told Spectrum it was going to be out, and they said storm or tower...I rebooted 3 times tonight and it shows not available.
  • Landowner: BTW I am 12 hours away from a master’s and don't intend to earn degree...calling service to come here tomorrow live

Well, thanks for the update, landlord. How is anyone supposed to address you? “Hello, good sir, who most certainly has a higher degree than I do, for I am a mere peasant!”

Seriously. Just fix the internet and move on. If that’s a service that’s provided, it’s all on the landlord to keep it running.  

  • Landowner: N
  • Tenant: ?

And that was the whole thing! The landlord just sent a single letter and the tenant was left guessing what that possibly meant.

At the end of the day, it was probably a butt button press. At least respond and say something like that, though!

Don’t leave someone hanging!

  • Landowner: It seems you are unhappy here. I suggest you find another place to stay.
  • Tenant: I never said I was unhappy here
  • Landowner: Let me know if you will be leaving by the end of June, or when
  • Landowner: Just look for another place

Apparently, this was texted just as the person was leaving for work.

All we can say is wow. If they live in a place with tenant rights, then an attorney is in order.

  • Landowner: I'm out. If you do not have a college degree you deserve to rent.
  • Landowner: I paid my dues and I own property. If you don't pay, you are out. I pay a mortgage and have to deal with repairs.

Sure, people should pay rent – absolutely. However, some people don’t want to own a house or property.

There’s nothing wrong with renting. You don’t have to deal with a yard or hire maintenance people.

Also, you don’t need a college degree to own a house. There are tons of tradesmen that will tell you that.  

Please Hire a Maintenance Person

Please Hire a Maintenance Person
  • Landowner: Hi i painted the bathroom door downstairs be careful as its still wet paint
  • Tenant: Okay thanks, but what about the light? we can't see a thing out there after dark.
  • Landowner: I know. It’s being fixed soon...just that people r doing damage to property & i wasn't rushing to fix everything

Spoiler alert: the landlord still didn’t rush to fix it.

The tenant had to message them back in order to get it fixed.

Rumor has it that the light is still broken…

  • Landowner: Jamie is your closet floor drying out?
  • Landowner: Are you going to spray the walls down with some Clorox bleach and water?
  • Landowner: Can your boyfriend put the closet door back on? or do you need Me to do that

Why is the closet needing to dry out? We’re guessing a pipe burst.

In which case, it isn’t the tenant’s job to scrub, dry out the floor, and put the door back on.

This guy needs to get a maintenance man to do all this.

  • Tenant: brucie baby we still don't have hot water, it's been 3 days
  • Landowner: I will get to it when I get to it
  • Tenant: Nooooo don't violate New York Real Property Law. You’re so screwed aha

Landlords really hate it when their tenants know the laws.

They would much rather them stay dumb and not know what tenant rights are.

Good on the tenant for standing up for himself!

  • Tenant: Hey, the power went out in parts of the apartment. How do I figure out what the problem is?
  • Tenant: It was fine when I left to school but when I got home, I couldn't get the rooms outside of the kitchen.
  • Landowner: That sucks! I'm not sure, the power box is probably in the garage
  • Landowner: I mean basement

So, the landlord isn’t going to call a super or something?

Apparently, it’s now the tenants’ job to work on the power…

Even though we’re pretty sure you have to be an electrician to be doing most of the stuff required to get the power back.

Wait a Second…

Wait a Second…
  • Tenant: Hi. Everyone is a little shaken because police were here last night and this morning searching our rooms.
  • Tenant: Apparently, a guy called "Damien" visited here and cut off his ankle bracelet and broke his parole.
  • Landowner: Yes, I know. He's been caught.
  • Landowner: He used to come and talk with [name] upstairs.
  • Landowner: Apparently, he was a nice bloke, according to them.
  • Tenant: I'm sure he was a nice bloke but he also killed two people very, very violently so everyone was still very scared.

Um…back up a minute. The landowner allowed a murderer in the building and then didn’t seem to care?

The least the guy can do is send out a memo or something.

That’s not the kind of person you want out and about.  

  • Landowner: This is your eviction notice. You have not paid March's rent. A letter to vacate will follow. Please make arrangements to be out of the apartment building by April 30th. Thanks.
  • Tenant: Haha! Good one! Happy April Fool's Day to you too!
  • Landowner: No.

This is precisely why you send a formal notice.

There are only a few things you can’t text a person.

That includes a breakup, pregnancy announcement, and probably eviction notices.

  • Tenant: I like my new apartment. The kitchen is nice.
  • Tenant: The only problem is that my neighbors make a lot of noise.
  • Landowner: There's no one in the apartment next to you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you saying the apartment next to them is haunted?

The person telling the story made sure to say the price was good.

Did something happen that the landlord didn’t share?

Your Landlord is Now Your BFF…or Else

Your Landlord is Now Your BFF…or Else
  • Landowner: Send that rent money, you peasant
  • Landowner: Also, Carole Baskin is a good person.

Interesting stance, but why is a landlord talking like this?

Considering she said Baskin was a good person, the tenant may want to be worried.

The landlord didn’t say anything about Carole Baskin not murdering her husband.

  • Landowner: Carole def killed him
  • Landowner: Also, don't worry about rent this month

The guy is psyched about not having to pay rent, we’re sure.

That being said, was Tiger King really this popular?

Landlords apparently were more than happy to discuss it with their tenants.  

This poor guy went to Twitter to try and find some help for his current predicament.

  • Tenant: My landlord threatened to evict me if I don’t check out his band!
  • Tenant: Has anyone heard of waves?

Are You Stuck at the Bank or Not?!

Are You Stuck at the Bank or Not?!
  • Tenant: Hey, Alex. It's the 12th and rent hasn't been taken out of my account yet.
  • Tenant: Is everything okay with the checks?
  • Landowner: ...I have not taken it out yet. I have been online at the bank since the beginning of the month.
  • Tenant: Are you stuck at the bank?
  • Landowner …Please send another check!
  • Tenant: What for? I gave you all my checks for the lease post-dated, as per our agreement. Did you lose the checks?
  • Landowner: I would look another security deposit for the new year.
  • Tenant: Alex, there is only one security deposit, the one time.
  • Landowner: Okay, you're right...just the one new check then.
  • Tenant: No.
  • Landowner: Ok please help me get out of this bank.
  • Tenant: Oh, are you really stuck in the bank?
  • Landowner: Maybe...will keep you posted.
  • Tenant: Okay Alex.

How can he not grasp the concept of a security deposit?

There’s only one, and also, is he really stuck in the bank?

Requests are Not Always Reasonable

Requests are Not Always Reasonable
  • Landowner: You've literally been listening to the same song on repeat for three hours.
  • Tenant: And?
  • Landowner: Well for starters, it's AWFUL but even if it wasn't, nobody wants to hear the same song over and over and over.
  • Tenant: Obviously I do.
  • Landowner: Well, I don't so can you stop please?
  • Tenant: I mean...I *can* but I won't
  • Landowner: *sends a picture of an empty planter to tenant*
  • Landowner: Hi - noticed this on your front balcony. Is this some type of grill?
  • Tenant: Nope. It's a plant pot upside down. I was using it as a weight to hold down some paper I was painting.
  • Landowner: Gotcha! When you get a chance if you could remove it, I'd appreciate it. While technically a plant pot is allowed, the rules for balconies are that they should look neat in appearance.

Hold up – how is an empty plant pot not “neat.”

Maybe a dead, long-gone plant, but an empty planter?

You know one of their neighbors also has a bunch of crap on their balcony, too.

  • Landowner: Can you please take the blow up doll out of the window please

Okay, we’re with the landlord on this one.

Having a blow-up doll in your window is beyond trashy.

The Greed is Astounding

The Greed is Astounding
  • Landowner: Since courts are shut down, what happens if we shut off water to non-paying tenants?

This guy seems almost giddy that he can evict people.

Even worse, he seems happy that no one can do anything against him for doing it.

This Facebook post shows that things are also pretty bad across the pond – as they say.  

  • My friend's landlord has stuck their rent up by £70 per month as they are due to renew.
  • Mine stuck mine up, but not by as much.
  • Think the principle of increasing rent when people aren't allowed to move is quite bad.

This was sent via text to all tenants of Whitaker Properties.

  • This is Whitaker Properties. Your rent is due on the 1st of the month.
  • We are not giving any discounts or help. It is up to you to find a new job if you are affected by lay-offs.
  • If you do not feel you can get a job, then we suggest you move Out.

Management posted this notice up for all tenants to see.

Everything was written in caps, but for readability’s sake, we decided not to do that.

  • No chalk drawing anywhere on the property as this is considered vandalism.
  • This is a shared property & not private property.
  • Any unit allowing their child or guests to do so will be fined steeply and billed for the clean-up.  No exceptions!

The big question we have: what would the clean-up fee even be?

Spraying water for a second or so?

The rain even washes away chalk drawings.

We don’t know what kind of miserable person put this up.

Someone Stop These Landlords

Someone Stop These Landlords

This Facebook post takes the cake:

  • Has anyone ever had to give back the security deposit?
  • A few months ago, my long-term tenants left my place in surprisingly good condition. I wracked my brains trying to find something they broke.

Facebook post, continued:

  • I couldn't fault them for a single thing! I think it was because it's a newly built apartment.
  • Every other property in my portfolio is an older building with things sure to fall apart.
  • It's got me wondering if investing in newer properties is worth or not if you don't get to keep the deposit.

This dude seriously needs some help.

He was actively searching for something to charge these poor people for.

Isn’t this illegal? We hope something happened to this guy.

The worst part is that two people “liked” this post.

This was a sign posted on the elevator doors of one tenant’s apartment complex:

  • Effective October 1, 2013, you will need to use your scan card to use the elevator.
  • The first 60 uses are free and thereafter $35 per month. If you elect to NOT use this service, the stairs are still free.

This can’t be legal, can it?

The elevator was included with the apartment when they started renting!