Millennials fell into the capitalist trap that itchy, chafing, skin-tight denim that clings to all the wrong places is something they can't live without. Sure, skinny jeans were hot for a while, but isn't it time to let go? What was once a wardrobe staple now looks lumpy and throws off the balance of any outfit. We don't know who skinny jeans were made for (probably the supermodels promoting them), but they're neither comfy nor cute.
You don't need to tell anyone that you're not past your teenage emo phase, because Gen Z teens can already see it in your hair. That's right, if your part is to the side instead of straight down the middle, you're probably a Millennial who spent your high school days hiding your acne behind bleached fringe and slowly adapted the style to adult life.
The laughing-crying emoji AKA the "Face with Tears of Joy" emoji might've been the best representation of laughter a decade ago, but Gen Z is much more flexible with their emoji use. Zoomers saw the laughing-crying emoji being grossly overused by Millennials when, at most, you smirk at a funny meme. Rarely is "laughing out loud" an accurate descriptor for how we react to digital content, something Gen Z understands perfectly well. Instead, try the emotionless skull emoji because that's probably what you look like.
If you rely on three cups of organic Ethopian coffee with four pumps of caramel creamer to become a decent human in the morning, you probably need a different coping mechanism (bonus points of you make avocado toast for breakfast). Sure, Gen Z enjoys the occassional morning coffee run or study break, but they don't complain on Instagram live about withdrawal headaches from going caffiene free for five hours. Try water for a change; your organs will thank you!
You know who else longs for "the good 'ole days"? Boomers. No, the 90s wasn't the epitome of fashion, music, or TV. Y'all know Zoomers didn't just pop into existence right when TikTok hit, right? Most of us were born from '97 to '02, so we understand your outdated Youtube and TV references; they didn't yank those programs once you stopped watching. And labels like "90s baby" are merely exuses to elevate yourself above others and out yourself as someone who prefers to regress to a childlike state of mind instead of adapting to adult life.
Maybe Boomers are right about something... there's no way Millennials are informed and productive individuals if they spend 50% of their day figuring out what type of cheese they are based on their Zodiac sign. One Buzzfeed quiz here and there is innocent enough until you find the Millennials in your life crouched over their keyboards complaining to customer service that the newest Game of Thrones trivia quiz had a typo in question five and that they would never have a yellow color scheme at their fantasy wedding to Ryan Gosling.
Doggos and puppers and floofs, oh my! Are there no actual dogs left in the world? The baby talk was cute for a while, but now it's just embarrasing. Sure, dogs are cute, but have some self respect. Gen Z views their pets as companions more than actual children, so calling them "doggos" feels as outdated as calling random children "tots."
Becoming an passionate social justice advocate is one thing, but manifesting that political energy in the form of a t-shirt alone is one of the quickest ways to separate Millennials from Gen Z. Zoomers don't think your Nasty Woman t-shirt is offensive, or even cringey, as long as you actually inform yourself about the world past Instagram infographics and DailyMail articles on Snapchat.
A bit of advice: never insult a Millennial's Harry Potter house if you ever want to speak to them again. From Zodiac signs to Myers-Briggs tests, Millennials cling to their personality types like they're the last jug of almond milk in Whole Foods. While you can't always tell that someone's a Millennial by looking at them, you'll definitely be able to tell by their social media bios. If it says anything along the lines of "Just an INFJ girl living in a Gryffindor world," that's all the evidence you need. Bonus points if they have their Zodiac sign tattooed behind their ear.
Okay, some of the things on this list aren't that bad, but "adulting" memes have got to go. We get it, you're not a teenager anymore and being an adult is super different than playing video games all day and sleeping in class. Just saying, if you're one of the Millennials still defending them, you're fighting a losing battle.
The act of taking a selfie isn't exculusively a Millennial trait because we see Boomers taking more pictures of themsevles these days than the rest of us. But if you still say the word "selfie," the Zoomers will notice. This term was new and shiny in 2010, but its charm slowly eroded as media and advertisement caught on to digital culture and tried to mimic "teenager speak" for more views. It's not hip, it's not cool. When in doubt, you can't go wrong with "let's take a pic." Simple!
How did a furniture brand become the staple of a generation? Ikea, with it's affordable prices and quick output, has crept its way into the apartments of Millennials everywhere. For the generation that would rather rent an apartment for four years than commit to a home, it's no surprise that Millennials aren't ones to drag cherry oak family heirlooms with them across the country. As long as it's a piece of wood that's painted white and can be assembled in 20 minutes, it's good enough for them.
Once a long week of taking Buzzfeed quizzes and adulting is over, Millennials get home to their white Ikea-filled apartments and relax with -- you guessed it -- pizza and wine. Gen Z is quick to point out that a wine obsession isn't cute and eating pizza every day isn't healthy. But a combination of the two? That should be reserved as the comfort meal for your worst days and that's it.
Shouldn't Millennials be happy that their favorite deceased social media platform is getting a second life with the help of Gen Z? Vine and TikTok are basically the same app hinged on the gimmick of short-form comedy videos. We all agree that Vine was iconic, evidenced by the hundreds of compilation videos on YouTube, but it's gone and TikTok is here to replace it. Preaching that "Vine was better" and sneering at teenagers for having fun online is nothing but hypocritical Millennial nonsense.
Millennial taste is honestly so predictable at this point that the mere mention of a certain TV show is enough to reveal what generation they belong to. For example, if you aren't over the Game of Thrones finale yet, there's no way you're not a Millennial. Same goes for any of the characters in Grey's Anatomy or the last season of The Office. For the love of all things good, find a new hobby!
