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5 (Really Awful) Alternatives to Voting

Voting can seem like a lot of work, and it's not nearly as much fun as watching Netflix. If you'd rather not make a huge trip all the way to the polls for the 2014 midterm elections, here are five voting alternatives you can participate in so you won't feel like a complete slacker.

  1. Cover your car in political bumper stickers.
    If you don't vote, you have no control over the direction of the country, but you have control over the appearance of your car, and that's the next best thing. It doesn't really matter which political party you're reppin'. Just make sure there are lots of animal logos of varying colors. For an extra dose of patriotism, cover the majority of your windshield with stickers.
  2. Participate in political arguments on Facebook and Twitter.
    It's not about making your voice heard through the polling process. It's about making other people feel stupid and belittling their opinions. USE LOTS OF CAPITALIZED LETTERS, #HASHTAGS, AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!! And if you manage to start a political argument on Pinterest, you've got a lot of skill.
  3. Move somewhere without governmental control.
    When you're living in Antarctica, there isn't anyone who will judge you for slacking off on your civic responsibilities. Penguins are very accepting. Alone on an iceburg, you can make all the decisions. Don't want to pay taxes on your sled or igloo? No problem!
  4. Become a dictator.
    Your vote doesn't matter? You can always overthrow the current democratic system, become an iron-fisted ruler, and make sure your vote is the only one that matters. Drunk on power, you can get the country back on track or at least have some fun while running it into the ground.
  5. Build a robot who will cast your vote. 
    Nowadays, a robot can vacuum your house. Why shouldn't you be able to find one who will make decisions that ultimately affect you and every other American? Make Votron smart enough to press buttons on the polling machines but dumb enough that he won't run for office--the last thing we need is a robot uprising.
Last Updated: January 25, 2024