You may have one adopted child, or you may have biological children in addition to adopted children. Discussing adoption with your children is important not only for their understanding, but also for explaining to other when the topic arises. It is also important for children who are going to have adopted siblings to understand the concept and what it means for their family. Here are some tips on how to speak with your kids about adoption.
The Adopted Child
You need to tell your adopted child that he or she was adopted as soon as they are able to understand the concept. If you wait too long to tell the child, the situation can feel like a betrayal. Believe it or not, most children will deal with this news quite well. However, the child needs to understand what adoption means and the reasons behind your choice.
Explaining Their Birth Parents
When your children are adopted, they need to know the truth about their birth parents. The child's birth parents may have died. The child's birth parents may live in another state, or the records might be sealed. Discussing the situations regarding their adoption may be complex and more appropriate for older children. Use your best judgment regarding your child’s maturity level as to when you should fully explain the details that led to their adoption.
If your child’s birth parents are still alive, your child may wish to contact them for a meeting. Be supportive of your child in his or her peaked interest. It is only natural for children to wonder about their biological family and its history. It may also be a necessary part of trying to come to terms with their adoption.
When the records of an adoption are sealed, you must explain this particular situation to your child. When your child becomes a legal adult, you should supply them with appropriate options they might use to unseal the records if they so choose.
The Biological Child
When you are adopting, you want your biological child to know that his or her sibling is adopted, but you do not want to be too strong in pointing it out. The biological child should feel free to welcome a new sibling to the family. Explain your decision to older children, and explain to your biological children that adopted children should not be treated any differently.
Handling the concept of adoption with your children is a delicate process. Make sure you are supportive of your children, explain the things they can do to find their birth parents, and give them closure if they need it. Every kid deals with the news differently, but being honest and upfront with your children will prevent any awkward phases or situations.
