Impotence, which is also commonly referred to as erectile dysfunction, is a serious and prevalent problem for couples. Almost one in five men report experiencing erectile difficulties at some point in their lives. If you’ve noticed that your partner is not “performing” like he used to, this could be a sign that he’s dealing with the condition himself.
Ignoring erectile dysfunction troubles won’t make the problem go away, so you need to plan on having a serious conversation about it. However, this is one topic that can be difficult and embarrassing to breach. Here are six tips for initiating a productive and thoughtful discussion about impotence with your partner.
Avoid the blame game.
Impotence can be frustrating for everyone involved, and in scenarios like this it may be tempting to lash out and place the blame on your partner. However, this is counterproductive to solving the problem, as emotional stress in a relationship can actually make this condition worse. Do your best to realize that impotence is not something that anyone willingly chooses, and try to show the support that you would want from him if you were dealing with an equally unpleasant condition.
Don’t beat yourself up.
In the same way that you shouldn’t blame your partner for his impotence, it’s important that you don’t feel like the condition is your fault either. You’ve got to be a supportive force for your partner during his trying time, and there’s no way that can happen if you feel disappointed in yourself. However, if you do ever feel like erectile dysfunction is your fault, it’s important not to hide those feelings—an open and honest discussion is the only way that you can work through these issues in a healthy manner.
Do your research.
While moral support is key to helping a partner deal with impotence, it’s equally important to arm yourself with the knowledge that can actually help alleviate his problem. There are numerous resources available online that discuss the subject at length, and there are even some that are geared specifically toward people who are dealing with a partner’s impotence. In addition to doing tangible good, research will also give you some peace of mind, as you’ll come to see that this condition is more commonly caused by physical problems than relationship troubles.
Reaffirm your relationship in ways besides sex.
Obviously sex is a good way to build emotional intimacy with your partner, but it’s not the only way you can show one another you care. Discussing ways to strengthen your bond outside the bedroom ensures that your relationship will survive this trying time and shows your partner that you’re not just interested in what he can bring to the table physically. Even something as simple as a picnic in the park can make all the difference in the world when working through erectile dysfunction problems.
Don’t hesitate to seek counseling.
Sometimes even the best of intentions are not enough to work through a problem like impotence. In cases such as this, there is absolutely no shame in seeking outside help from a professional. Couples counseling is not a sign of a failing relationship—it’s actually a sign that you have the good sense to be proactive before things really do "go south."
Be patient.
Even if your partner is taking pills or using other treatments for his erectile dysfunction, it can take time for them to work—so be patient while the process is taking place. Putting unnecessary pressure on your partner to perform in bed will only stress him out and may prolong his problems.
