Wanted: Child Lookie-Loo
Let it be known: kids don’t care about your privacy or anyone else’s. If there is one thing kids are really good at it's being nosy.
Of course, this is natural because kids are just curious about the world around them, and plenty of adults are too, but eventually, you have to respect people’s desire for privacy.
And it’s never too late to start that. This parent got a rude awakening that it was time for a talk about privacy when they found their child on what is basically a wanted poster.
The kid might not know he did anything wrong at the time but after this embarrassment, his mom will make sure he won’t forget.
Haggling the Tooth Fairy
It seems this kid is cultivating his negotiating tactics as a member of a capitalist society. The tooth fairy, after all, has a demand for teeth, and as a supplier, this kid is not going to give up his tooth for just any sum.
It is his tooth, and dammit if he’s going to let some cheapskate pixie give him a measly dollar for it.
Of course, don’t tell the kiddos but it's really mom who’s going to have to pay up. She didn’t count on $20 for one tooth but with inflation that really isn’t going to buy him much anyway.
Certainly, the few dollars we got as kids wouldn’t cut it as you could basically only buy a candy bar with it. Face it: twenty bucks is just the fair market value for old teeth.
That's No Mouse...
Aww, there’s literally nothing more embarrassing than your child finding you in a compromising circumstance and then going around talking about it afterward:
“Great... my 3 year old saw me pull a tampon out & now she’s going around saying mommy had a mouse in her butt” - virgo mami, @kmvirgo24, Twitter
We’d venture to say that this won’t be the only time something like this happens again and it’s probably for the best that mom keeps the door shut and retains her privacy next time she uses the restroom.
Toddlers can be fine on their own for a few minutes. Not more than that, but a few to be sure. Kids always know how to embarrass us when they can.
Urine Trouble Now
A humidifier can work wonders for your body, particularly when you aren’t feeling so great. It can relieve dry skin and relieve symptoms of the cold and flu, helping to keep you hydrated and clear up nasal passages.
It’s also an excellent aromatherapy tool, providing holistic treatments through various scented oils you can add.
But one thing you should never add to a humidifier: urine. One kid definitely didn’t get the message when it came to his mom’s humidifier, because he decided it would be a good place to relieve himself.
I guess maybe to a kid, it looked like a small portable body. Now, the whole room is covered in urine mist and who knows how long it will take to get that scent out of everything.
Best Trade Ever?
If there’s one thing that’s always clear when it comes to children, it’s that kids just have no idea how much stuff costs.
They don’t work, they don’t earn money like we do, and we basically have to buy them everything, so they have no real concept of money and the value of a dollar other than in a really abstract way.
The value they put in things is based entirely on feeling. So, in concept, trading a Nintendo Switch for a fidget spinner probably seemed like a great idea for this kid, because they didn’t have a fidget spinner and wanted one but they did have a Switch.
Unfortunately, the kid is going to miss that Switch once they tire of the fidget spinner and if mom can’t get it back, she’ll have to buy a new one. OOF.
So, this is why there was a TP shortage...
This toddler took to the bathtub to prepare a vat of toilet paper soup. Oh, the things children will ruin without a second thought. Sure, they got a tub filled with toys, but I mean how could you resist the urge to turn a roll of toilet paper into a boat? Hopefully, it didn’t take too long to unclog that shower drain.
In the year 2020, this was just a downright tragedy. If you remember the great consumer-manufactured toilet paper shortage of 2020, when everyone was buying ridiculous amounts of toilet paper for whatever reason during COVID lockdown, getting your hands on yet another pack of bath tissue was nearly impossible.
Cello, where are you?
"My son lost his cello. A cello. A whole cello which is as big as he is. Do you know how big a cello is? How do you lose a cello? I need answers. I don't understand what's happening." - Abra Barbier, @BarbierAbra, Twitter
If you have a child that wants to take music lessons be sure to give them up for adoption as soon as possible. We’re kidding, of course. Don’t dump that on someone else.
Kids can and will find ways to lose everything, even the largest objects, and no matter what you send them off to school with, there is no guarantee they’ll return with everything they had. Thankfully, this mother was able to recover her son’s cello, which she would have undoubtedly had to pay the school for at a premium price.
A Child's Prerogative
"I just smoked an 8-pound pork butt for nine hours because my kids said they’d eat pulled pork. Five minutes before it was done, they all said they wanted hot dogs instead and if that doesn’t sum up parenting I don’t know what does." - Tom VanHaaren, @TomVH, Twitter
One of the most grueling tasks of being a parent is making things for your kids that they don’t really want. Kids are like the wind and constantly change their minds about everything. Its probably never a good idea to make your kid something for dinner that takes several hours because kids can’t wait that long for anything and they’ll undoubtedly change their mind for a dinner that takes even an hour, let alone nine hours.
This is definitely something only a kid would order. Although explaining it to the Amazon employee is embarrassing nonetheless. Of course, using your kid as an excuse is always an excellent tactic in get away with buying totally juvenile things we aren’t supposed to like, so that could also be what’s happening here.
Maybe dad bought it, mom found out and then he blamed it on the kid. We are speculating, of course. Maybe mom bought it herself and changed her mind. Does Amazon offer discreet packaging for this kind of product? Asking for a friend.
Definitely, the Banana Nut One
"My 4-year-old took a bite out of all of the muffins to determine his favorite.
The verdict: Banana nut
They were all banana nut." - Jessie @mommajessiec, Twitter
We don’t know about you but we are willing to bet the other ones tasted funny. Maybe one of the muffins just had one too many nuts.
Whatever the case may be, children will be children and you should know better than to bake anything without expecting your child to steal from you are take a bite out of everything. Because they know, just as well as you and I, if you bite it, it’s yours and this way you get a heck of a lot more muffins. Sorry, you have to make another batch mom. Ahem. Not sorry.