It started with my aunt telling a story about how she forgot to buy dog food and ended up scrambling some eggs for the dogs real fast before going to work.
Her kids came downstairs thinking their mother made them breakfast only to get the news that, nope, the eggs are for the dogs.
My aunt laughs and teases about how my cousins called her the "Worst Mother in the World", which prompted MY mother to tell HER story of me calling her the "Worst Mother in the World"...
(Some background, I had left my boyfriend of 5 years when I caught him cheating on me and moved in with my mother while waiting for my lease to run out with the ex.
So I'm living with my mother during this story)
"So alleywaysway joined Match.com a few months ago and had her first date!
So she's all excited and nervous and before she left I told her to sneak off to the bathroom to text me during the date cause I wanted to know how it’s going.
Well, half an hour goes by and she shows up back home!
TURNS OUT SHE GOT STOOD UP!
She said she called him and texted him.. and anyway, the guy never showed.
So I say to her he probably just found someone hotter and went out with her instead...
and alleywaysway called me the Worst Mother in the World! AHAHAHA"
The room goes silent and my aunt just says, "Yep, ok, you've got me beat.
Why would you say that?!"
I want to know why she would repeat it at Thanksgiving!!!!
Mom's Outdated Dinnertime Rules
My mom has it in her mind that all women belong in the kitchen, have to get their husbands/boyfriends their plates, and wait on them hand and foot.
I was sitting on her love seat and was waiting for everyone else to get their plate before I went in.
She proceeds to say, "You need to get [boyfriend] a plate of food. It's your duty."
Me: "I'm sorry but he can get his own plate."
Her: "No. You go in there and get his plate."
We got into a big argument and it turned into something else.
After dinner, I ended up leaving and going home to cry because my mom is mean-spirited.
An Unwanted Thanksgiving Pest
My roommate's friend brought a friend along [to Thanksgiving].
That girl was the most socially inappropriate person I’ve ever met.
Right off the bat, she started asking us about our relationships.
She told one girl she was too young to commit and that getting married is out of fashion these days.
Next, she told another roommate about how she is doing it all wrong with her crush and how to play hard to get.
Then she talked about the expensive presents she gives all her boyfriends and ex-boyfriends.
And then she went on to make rude jokes about how her friend (the girl who brought her to our house for dinner) didn’t notice at all that her house was smelling of bird poop until this smart lady pointed it out.
She made some adult jokes, and when I was drunk enough to laugh (everyone else was a little uncomfortable as we'd never met her before), she told me, “Oh you are so horny.”
And then while eating she regaled us all with stories of her being so drunk she needed the assistance of two people to throw up.
Then she just refused to leave.
The rest of us wanted to hang around and chat, but this lady was just irking all of us, so everyone else made “I’m leaving” sort of motions, but she just did not take the hint.
She stayed on so stubbornly, the others ended up leaving while my roommate and I, being the hosts, were stuck with her till pretty late.
I’ve never been gladder to see someone leave. Phew.
Not a Happy Family
Everything was going alright so far when we said what we were thankful for.
Then suddenly Dad flips out on me and my sister for not saying we were thankful for him.
This guy from our church who helped build houses with us was there and I'm so glad he stayed after things escalated.
I refused to say I was thankful for my Dad.
Then after my Mom tried to apologize for me, my Dad just called her the c-word!
I had enough and stormed off to the living room and yelled how my Dad was just a huge faker.
And how's he just killing us with his abuse.
And how he's treating my teen sister like a prisoner in our house.
I smashed up his trophies and an urn.
Then Kyle (the guest with us) takes his belt and shouts to my Dad to get the f*ck off of me after he was trying to hurt me.
My Dad got dragged off to the kitchen.
Then my Mom later told me when she went to see what was going on, and apparently, Kyle had a knife at my Dad's neck.
Worst Thanksgiving ever!
A Couple Unfunny Jokes
My aunt was talking about someone she knew who was in an abusive relationship.
My uncle responded with, "Well maybe he was beating some sense into her!"
My mom made some fancy napkin holder things that she saw on Pinterest.
Towards the end of the night, I saw had ripped apart a ribbon from the napkin holder into little pieces without even realizing it.
After throwing the pieces away, I sat back down at and said to my mom,
"Sorry mom, I ripped apart one of your ribbons."
"It's okay sweetie. Better than picking at your face!"
Thanks, mom....as if I weren't self-conscious enough about my acne.