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20 "Sexy" Halloween Costumes That Shouldn't Exist

Sexy Lawn Maintenance Worker

Sexy Lawn Maintenance Worker

For the love all of that is logical, don’t try to lug around a lawnmower in stilettos, daisy dukes, and a bra. No one will find your costume seductive if that thing actually comes on and starts running over people.

Look, not every job is going to be "sexy", and it's way better to just admit that than end up with a ridiculous costume like this. Let's just hope you don't have any allergies to grass clippings--because sneezing all night is most definitely not sexy! This is one costume that should have never been invented. 

Sexy Cat

Sexy Cat

Cats, ah yes, the last line of defense from having to go to a party as that generic sexy nurse like all your other friends. Show off how nimble, independent, fun, and adventurous you are by slapping some fuzzy ears to your black leotard or that black dress you wore to homecoming that you swear still fits. 

If you want to make sure everyone knows that you didn't give a second thought about what to wear, and you just so happen to have all that red lipstick and nail polish - that you feel weird wearing around the office, the sexy cat is for you! Seriously though, please stop.

Sexy Miserable Housewife

Sexy Miserable Housewife

If you wear this in an attempt to be funny, just know that you failed. You can’t achieve Halloween success by combining miserable, housewife, and sexy. Most miserable humans aren't making great efforts to be sexy, much less tromping around outside on Halloween.

There's no getting around it--you can only choose two of those adjectives at one time. And really, who else except for a psychopath equates "miserable" and "sexy" at all? This one just makes no sense in the worst way possible, and we're sure your wife would not love to see it. 

Sexy Ninja

Sexy Ninja

Ninjas, there is not very much to say about them, that most of you wouldn't already know. Maybe except for the fact that if a midlife crisis craves an Asian flare, then you should stay away from dressing as one for Halloween. Remember, they were simple farmers wielding simple farming equipment.

With that being said, a hoe and some stocking don't mean you captured the true essence of the elite ninja. It also wouldn't hurt to abstain from a language you do not fully grasp - at all. You see, one might accidentally wear a classic, and very identifiable, Kamikaze headband -- upside down. 

Gilbert Carrasquillo/GC Images/Getty images

Sexy Jack-o'-lantern

Sexy Jack-o'-lantern

Why do you want to make a favorite childhood pastime into an inappropriate costume? You’ll scare the rest of the partygoers with your lack of clothing and the overwhelming pumpkin smell emanating from your head.

Not to hurt the self-confidence of any jack-o-lanterns out there, but there's just simply no way to make this produce sexy by any stretch of the imagination. And I think that we all know deep down that showing up to a Halloween party naked except for a pumpkin on your head is no way to celebrate. 

Cowboys

Cowboys

Cowboy costumes are one of the most boring costumes you could pick for Halloween. Not only have there been countless cowboys of the years, but the costume itself is also incredibly dull. Go to Texas and you’ll see people dressed like cowboys when it isn’t even Halloween. Wear a cowboy hat and sure, maybe you are a cowboy, or maybe you are just a country-western singer.

Cowboy costumes are always available in a variety of styles, although most of them are the same. You have seen all of the cowboy costumes once you have seen one. People will eventually stop recognizing you as Clint Eastwood or Garth Brooks. Let's leave the old west to the movies now that it's done, but in reality, that well is starting to run dry.

Michael Tran/FilmMagic/Getty Images

Sexy Nun

Sexy Nun

Please don’t insult these sweet religious ladies by disrespecting their professional habits and life choices. If you want to be sexy, go dress like a Playboy bunny and leave the nuns of the world in peace. Even if everyone is too drunk to remember the party, the Lord will remember! 

Unlike some of the other costumes on this list, at least sexy nun has some history behind it--people have been dressing up like this for years. However, just because it's popular doesn't mean it's still not a ridiculous look. It may be a classic, but it's definitely an absurd one. 

Mickey or Minnie

Mickey or Minnie

Be it Mickey, or Minnie Mouse, this is definitely a costume we are tired of seeing. If you want to see Mickey, you go to Disneyland. To everyone else and everywhere else, Mickey is a corporate symbol that no longer brings joy to people as it did many years ago. Mickey Mouse is such a brand that you might as well dress as a Coke can.

I ponder whether children today even watch Mickey Mouse cartoons. There appear to be so many computer-animated movies and live-action Disney shows that very few kids are actually watching any Mickey Mouse cartoons, and the new stuff out there is extremely bad. Ahem… Walt Disney's Clubhouse. Remove the Mickey and Minnie couples costume because it is simply too tacky.

(Image via Instagram)

Sexy Bowl of Spaghetti

Sexy Bowl of Spaghetti

It was romantic when Lady and the Tramp shared a plate of spaghetti, but dressing as a bowl of spaghetti on Halloween will not win you any suitors. Cold, limp noodles simply aren’t enticing.

I guess if you're short for cash around Halloween this could be a good desperation move. Everyone will still think you're insane, but you can't get more affordable than tossing a box of pasta all over yourself. Just don't go expecting to win any costume contests! 

Sexy Sponge Bob

Sexy Sponge Bob

You could have some flimsy justification to wear this disaster if you reside in a pineapple beneath the sea or possibly under a rock. This outfit is for kids and is from a children's program about a child. Please take a step back and rethink your life if you are attempting to make kid stuff sexual.

The number of grown adults making children things sexual is not helping any cause nor is it making any look cleverer or fun. This costume is a walking red flag. Put the yellow bed sheet down. You can do better. We all know you can do better. You just have to believe in yourself!

(Image via Walmart)

Sexy Steampunk Stripper

Sexy Steampunk Stripper

Steampunk is cool, and I'll admit it has a subtly alluring edge, but this costume is a little over the top. Don’t degrade the sultry Victorian world of steampunk by donning this ensemble on Halloween.

If you're going to be operating fantastical, steam-powered machinery you definitely don't want that much exposed skin in the mix. That's just begging for a workplace injury! Sexy steampunk is the costume idea that just keeps on failing, and it's one that no one wants to see at their parties! 

Sexy Nurse

Sexy Nurse

Nurse costumes are almost always a miss. You are either going to dress as an actual healthcare worker and get mistaken for one or you are dressing as a sexy nurse of course and make a mockery of healthcare workers. Either option is pretty lame, and the latter is just disrespectful.

It’s really time to get real about the sexy nurse costumes though. Nobody goes through the effort of going through an RN program just to be viewed as an object afterward. On top of this, there is literally nothing sexy about the profession: not limited to taking care of the sick and dying, emptying bed pans, serving Jell-O, and getting yelled at by impatient patients.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4If1xrAbSf/

Sexy Barbarian

Sexy Barbarian

Barbarians are not sexy. Stop trying to make sexy barbarians happen. It’s not going to happen! There's just nothing fun or alluring about a brutal, survivalist existence. 

We absolutely don't like this costume, but, at the same time, we still get it. Scantily clad women in fur are always going to be in, no matter how dumb the Halloween costumes may look. This is not the worst offender on the list, but don't expect any raving compliments about this one either. 

Sexy Clown

Sexy Clown

The 90s called, they want their insane clown posse back! Look, we get it, you messed up your makeup and decided to roll with it. That is hardly an excuse not to reconsider this worn-out costume. There is nothing sexy about a clown, except maybe if you're trying to attract other clowns, cause that's what's gonna happen. 

It's a lose-lose costume anyway. Let's say the night does go well, you have fun, maybe lie down on a curb, what's going to happen is people are going to put a balloon in your hand and now you're trending as the new IT poster. I just saved your social life, you're welcome.

Sexy Birds Nest

Sexy Birds Nest

An aversion to hairbrushes and access to makeup that resembles bird poop do not make it acceptable to dress as a “sexy” birds nest on Halloween. Step away from the Easter eggs, and go comb your hair instead.

Listen, we know there's nothing sexier than giving the gift of life, but that will never make a collection of twigs and eggs look good. However, this might be one costume that's so completely ridiculous that it circles back around to being brilliant. A sexy bird's nest is definitely a crazy idea from left field. 

Sexy Sonic the Hedgehog

Sexy Sonic the Hedgehog

We see you making animals sexual objects of lust. Now you're justifying it because someone made one anthropomorphic, Nah fam. You need to pass on this one. Sure maybe you super love sonic. That is cool. A lot of people love sonic. So many people love Sonic, that we are tired of seeing this costume. 

Halloween is about spooks and you're out here dressing like a blue hedgehog that collects gold rings. Don't do it. Yes, yes he's Sonic -a little ball of super energy in an extremely handsome package. It's still an overused, overplayed idol costume. Use your power to protect your friends and Do Not this spooky season.

Liz Swezey, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Sexy Mechanic

Sexy Mechanic

While everyone will understand what you were going for, this costume won’t work for a few reasons. First, your muscles will be covered in grease, and that stuff is impossible to wash off clothing and furniture. Second, you’ll give up on carrying those tires around real quick.

Sexy mechanic is just one of those Halloween costume ideas that sounds fine on paper but gets really ridiculous in the execution. Plus, if anyone at the party you're attending has car trouble, you know they're going to try and hit you up, whether you're actually a mechanic or not! 

Dorothy From the Wizard of Oz

Dorothy From the Wizard of Oz

If you are a little bit of a country girl who just can not stay away from sundresses and corn, look no further than the Dorothy look! Nothing says I'm looking for men without a brain better than dressing up as a lost little girl with red slippers and a lapdog. 

Please take note here, that it's better to take your dog with you if you have one because if you're dressing up as a character from the Wizard of Oz, you probably have way too many cats for it to be safe back home. I do hope you find the Wizard though since you're going to need some real magic to boost your imagination.

Sexy Santa (Ax Murderer Version)

Sexy Santa (Ax Murderer Version)

There is no excuse for A) dressing as another holiday on Halloween and B) ruining sweet, childhood beliefs that Santa can be trusted. Do you want to condemn grown men to nightmares of jolly old Saint Nick?

We have to give this costume props because it's one idea that manages to hit almost all the ridiculous elements of a "sexy" Halloween costume. Why do people go to such absurd lengths to look hot and sexy and Halloween? Just go as a good old-fashioned stripper and call it day! 

Sexy Swat

Sexy Swat

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to express your sexuality through the clothes you wear, but Halloween isn’t really the time for that. There are so many unique costumes that you could go for, is making something sexy that isn’t normally seen as sexy the way to go about it? Often sexy costumes are teetering on the absurd. 

The majority of seductive costumes are merely humorous and not at all sensual. Halloween is much more than just a night for sex. If wearing erotic costumes is really your thing, maybe keep it private so you may enjoy yourself more. It's strange to dress as a hot swat babe in front of children.

(Image via Amazon)