Spam
This is a 2019 concoction, but we don’t get why. Even worse, it sold out in less than seven hours. Who bought all the Spam? Did they buy it to burn it? We hope so. Imagine opening a can of Spam and getting a whiff of pumpkin spice—what a cruel joke.
It's hard to believe this was a limited edition and not a Halloween prank. Seriously, who thought pumpkin spice and processed meat would be a good pairing?
Hummus
When we eat hummus—the garlicky chickpea mash—we can’t help but wonder what it would be like with pumpkin spice. Actually, no. We’ve never thought that because it’s a disgusting combination.
Chickpeas and garlic already make a savory match; there’s no need for dessert spices. Plus, who wants to ruin a perfectly good dip? If you bring pumpkin spice hummus to a party, don’t expect to be invited back.
Poo-Pourri
That’s exactly what we want our bathrooms to smell like—poop and pumpkin spice. It has high ratings, but that doesn’t mean we think it deserves to exist.
The combo of earthy bathroom odors and sweet spices is probably not the fresh scent you're hoping for. Let’s stick to lavender or eucalyptus for air fresheners, okay?
Peanut Butter
Okay, hold up with this one. It really could be good, but that doesn’t mean it was necessary. With Nutella being so popular, it was only a matter of time before the pumpkin spice people got a little of their spice in our peanut butter.
Peanut butter is already perfect with its mix of sweet and savory. Throwing pumpkin spice into the mix just feels like overkill. What's next, pumpkin spice jelly?
Hot Sauce
It takes a lot to make a delicious hot sauce. That’s something aficionados know too well. Aficionados also know that adding pumpkin spice to it would ruin your mixture.
Hot sauce is supposed to bring heat, not sweetness. Imagine dousing your tacos with pumpkin spice sauce—it would be a crime against Mexican cuisine. Stick to the peppers, and leave the pumpkins for pies.
CBD Oil
Guess you can’t hate on something when you’re so relaxed and anxiety-free. Actually, wait. Yes, you can. CBD already tastes horrible, so don’t add pumpkin spice to it to try and mask the flavor.
Pumpkin spice won't magically make that earthy, bitter taste go away. Instead, it’ll just confuse your taste buds and make you question your life choices. Let CBD be CBD, please.
Peeps
Pumpkin spice Peeps? No. They’re gross. Regular Peeps? Just as bad. Let’s just get rid of all marshmallow-shaped birds, altogether.
Peeps are already controversial, with some people loving them and others cringing at their sugary squish. Adding pumpkin spice doesn’t elevate the experience; it just makes it worse. If there was a Peeps Hall of Shame, these would be in it.
Popcorn
Most people don’t want sweet popcorn. The only exception is the caramel popcorn, but we all know that it’s the last one eaten from the trio-tin. Pumpkin spice popcorn? The last popcorn eaten on Earth.
Imagine a movie night where every bite tastes like cinnamon and nutmeg instead of butter and salt. No thanks. If you really want to ruin movie snacks, this is the way to do it.
Water
We saw this one coming from a mile away. Some sparkling water is delicious, but pumpkin spice water isn’t. Don’t bother trying it. Water is supposed to be refreshing, not remind you of a pumpkin pie.
The idea of drinking something spiced like your grandma’s fall desserts is just wrong. Water should quench your thirst, not make you wish for a PSL detox.
Pringles
Usually, we’re on board with new Pringles flavors, but pumpkin pie spice? Stop. Get some help, Pringles. Thankfully, it was limited time only, so we only had to suffer for a little bit.
The crunchy, salty snack we know and love should stay far, far away from sweet flavors. It’s hard enough to take the weirder Pringles flavors seriously, but this one really crossed a line. Leave the pie spices to pies, not chips.
Sparkling Juice
We’ve personally tried this one, and we’ll say this: it is neither refreshing nor good. It’s terrible, and honestly, it’s our fault for having tasted it in the first place.
Sparkling drinks are supposed to be light and fruity, not thick and spiced. The cinnamon-clove combo with bubbles? A nightmare for your palate. We won’t be making that mistake again.
Protein Powder
Not gonna lie, this one could be good. The only problem is that we can’t imagine how you would use it with fruit or any kind of other food. It strictly makes fraps—protein fraps.
And while that’s fine for the season, it really limits your options. Plus, how often do you crave pumpkin spice in your post-workout drink? Probably not as much as you think.
M&Ms
We all saw this one coming, and no one asked for it. Worse yet, they’re disgusting. Not only did M&Ms make pumpkin spice white chocolate, but they also made pumpkin spice latte. When in doubt, double down!
This feels like a desperate attempt to jump on the seasonal bandwagon. Chocolate and pumpkin spice don’t belong together, especially when it's forced into a candy shell.
Bone Broth
Thanks to keto, bone broth has become pretty trendy. Let’s combine two trends in one! Beef bone broth plus pumpkin spice has to be good, right? Right?
Absolutely not. There's nothing comforting about sipping on a steaming cup of beef broth laced with cinnamon and cloves. Keep these trends separate, please.
Dog Cologne
Don’t douse your dog in pumpkin spice cologne. For those that do, the ASPCA is already on their way. Dogs are a gift from Heaven and to hurt them in such a way is inexplicable.
We want our dogs to smell like fresh air, not an autumn candle. If your dog smells like pumpkin spice, maybe it's time to question your life choices, not theirs.
Tortilla Chips
Trader Joe’s! What are you doing? Get these pumpkin tortilla chips out of here. Apparently, they’re made with real pumpkin puree and pumpkin seeds. Exactly what you need for your pumpkin salsa.
Just because you can make something doesn't mean you should. Tortilla chips should be salty and crispy, not sweet and spiced.
Salmon
There are so many recipes for salmon, so there’s no reason to create this abomination. We guess this is for those who want to serve a “delicious meal” with their PSL. Fish and coffee always go together! naht
The delicate flavor of salmon should be respected, not overwhelmed with fall spices. Whoever thought this was a good idea clearly never tasted it.
Dish Soap
Don’t clean your dishes with pumpkin spice dish soap. There are plenty of other options on the market that actually smell like clean dishes.
No one wants their kitchen to smell like a bakery exploded. At that point, how do you even know your dishes are actually clean? Save the pumpkin spice for your candles and lattes, not your sink.
Multi-Surface Cleaner
Pumpkin spice hand soaps were a novelty when they came out, but now there’s a whole line of cleaners. Correct us if we’re wrong, but pumpkin spice isn’t the scent of clean.
The idea of wiping down your counters with something that smells like pie just seems wrong. Citrus or pine? Sure. Pumpkin spice? No, thanks.
Dog Treats
The poor dogs have to suffer through pumpkin spice treats. We’re about to rip off a scary Band-Aid so be ready: dogs don’t like pumpkin spice.
Dogs like meat, not cinnamon. Keep the spices in the kitchen and give your dog the treats they actually want—like bacon or peanut butter.
Gum
Let’s drop a truth-bomb real quick. Most flavored gums don’t make your breath smell better. They taste good, but that’s about it. Pumpkin spice gum is going to do the same, except the taste good part won’t even be there.
It's like chewing on a bad fall candle. No one wants that.
Marshmallows
Alright, alright. Maybe dropping a few pumpkin spice marshmallows into some hot chocolate sounds pretty dang good. Eating them any other time? Not so much.
They might be fun for the holidays, but outside of a mug of cocoa, they’re just unnecessary fluff. Literally.
Fish Bait
Pumpkin spice fish bait? For fish that want to get a little taste of fall, we guess. In all honesty, this would probably just chase the fish away.
Fish are drawn to real scents like worms, not dessert spices. Whoever came up with this has clearly never gone fishing.
Salsa
Salsa is perfect on its own, so the addition of pumpkin is absolutely unnecessary. Furthermore, salsa is zesty while pumpkin…is not.
The bright, bold flavors of salsa clash hard with the heavy, sweet spices of pumpkin. It’s like trying to mix summer with fall in the worst possible way.
Kombucha
Kombucha tastes like it’s trying to be the new O’Doul’s, so it’s already not that great. On top of that, some companies have tried to be trendy by adding pumpkin spice in their fermented tea.
Kombucha already has a weird vinegary taste—pumpkin spice only makes it worse. This trend needs to be stopped.
Kale Chips
Kale chips are pretty nasty to begin with, so why bother trying to improve on garbage? Also, if you’re going to try and improve on it, don’t hop on that pumpkin spice train.
The earthy bitterness of kale with sweet spices is just a flavor disaster. Let’s leave kale chips in the past where they belong.
Sauce
Instead of perfectly delicious spaghetti with marinara sauce, add some pumpkin sauce to your noodles! You read that right, but we’re also hoping you read the sarcasm in it, too.
Pasta and pumpkin might go together in a soup or risotto, but not as a replacement for tomato sauce. This feels like pumpkin spice overreach at its finest.
Chicken Sausage
Chicken sausage is already kinda gross. Chicken isn’t meant to be a sausage. To make matters worse, some companies have put pumpkin spice in it. Yeah, that’s the last thing we want in our sausage—chicken and pumpkin spice.
It’s as if they’re trying to ruin two perfectly good foods in one fell swoop. Who thought that mixing savory and sweet in this way would be a good idea?
Milk
The only possible reason we could see pumpkin spice milk existing is to be poured into coffee. Anything else? No. Drinking it plain would be disgusting, and you couldn’t use it in hardly anything. Get outta here!
It's like they took a seasonal trend and turned it into a liquid nightmare. If we wanted our milk to taste like this, we would have just stuck our straws into a pumpkin spice candle instead!
Pumpkin Spice Meatballs (For Dogs)
Pumpkin spice meatballs for dogs? Because clearly, your dog’s been begging for a taste of fall. Forget bacon or chicken; Fido wants that pumpkin spice life! Sure, dogs love treats, but do they need to smell like they just stepped out of a Thanksgiving dessert?
Next thing you know, they’ll be eyeing your Uggs and demanding their own Instagram page. Let’s be honest—your dog doesn’t care about pumpkin spice, but if you want your house to smell like a bakery after treat time, these are for you. Just don’t be surprised if your dog starts demanding a PSL on their walk.
Trash Bags
Pumpkin spice trash bags? Because nothing says “fall vibes” like tossing out leftovers wrapped in the scent of pumpkin pie. While they may mask odors for a short time, the mix of trash and spices creates a confusing scent that might be worse than regular garbage!
Do we really need our garbage smelling like pumpkin pie? While it might sound like a clever fall-themed product, once the bags are filled, the result is an odd clash between kitchen waste and holiday scents.
Pumpkin Spice Dude Wipes
Pumpkin spice Dude Wipes? Imagine wiping down and coming out smelling like a candle from your mom’s fall collection. Overkill? Absolutely. If you want to smell like you just rolled around in a pumpkin patch while fighting off a cinnamon stick, these are for you. But for everyone else, maybe keep the seasonal scents in your lattes, not your bathroom routine.
Plus, nothing says "manly" like walking around smelling like a freshly baked pie. Just wait until someone asks if you’ve been baking... awkward.