If you thought a regular toilet was gross, just wait til you see a toilet covered in carpet. We can't bring ourselves to say what goes on in a bathroom, but needless to say, a fuzzy toilet cover is ready to soak it all in...literally.
Do you get it? Because bathrooms use water, and the ocean has water too. Get it? Get it? I need an MRI after getting hit over the head with a clever theme like that.
Hope your aim is good, because these bright, dated countertops are going to blind you. Good luck finding the toilet.
Would you rather your bathroom look like a trash can or an auto garage? With metallic wallpaper you have options--they just all happen to be bad options.
Throw enough mismatched tiles together on a wall and you can call it a mosaic. That doesn't fly on the bathroom floor, though.
You can get away with monochromatic white in a bathroom...if you're cleaning it constantly. Monochromatic pink? It kind of makes me want to vomit, which, credit where credit is due, is appropriate in a bathroom.
Your bathroom is not a nightclub. Believe me, you don't want to know what goes on in the bathroom at those places.
If you need a tetanus shot before you can safely enter your bathroom, your decorating has gone awry. Keep the barn outdoors.
Contrary to popular belief, all wallpaper falls under the category of "terrible." If you're going to do it, at least put it in the master bathroom so that guests don't have to suffer.
If you have a copper bathtub, you're going to look like an insufferable hipster. But don't fret--there's an easy fix! Throw some tubes into the mix and you've basically got yourself a copper still. You'll still be an insufferable hipster, but now you'll be one with moonshine.
Nothing will make the walls feel like they're closing in on you more than repeating tile as far as the eye can see.
Nothing looks more inviting than a slime-green tub or a Pepto-pink toilet. You might think that colored porcelain helps hide the unsightly colors of dirt and grime, but they only replace them with the unsightly colors of the 1970s.
Dark colors on the bathroom walls make the place look dignified and cool...until you remember what goes on in a bathroom. Save that mohagany for a room where it's not going to get covered in microscopic particles of human waste.
I don't care if you're rich or poor--I know exactly what you're doing in the bathroom, and it ain't pretty. Maybe save the fancy chandelier for a room that isn't solely dedicated to human filth.
Steampunk is a waste, so I suppose it's fitting for a bathroom. But if you're into this obnoxious trend, you've got way bigger problems than a tacky bathroom, my friend.
The size of a bathroom is not always in your control, but I will do my best to make you feel bad about small bathrooms anyway. Don't try to "fun" them up. They're the most depressing when you don't acknowledge how depressing they are.
Too Many Mirrors
I don't even have to try to convince you that a bathroom full of mirrors is a bad idea. You'll learn as soon as you step out of the shower and get a 360 degree look at yourself.
I don't know what kind of weird, voyeur stuff is going on in your bathroom with a living room chair, and frankly, I don't want to know.
I'm all for unnecessary purchases, but I draw the line at funny toilets. What goes into those things is no laughing matter.
Open Concept Bathrooms
The only thing weirder than a bathroom with furniture is a bathroom where no furniture is necessary to see all your business.
Vessel sinks only make you look rich if you've also got a live-in maid to clean them. You're not fooling anyone.
Shower murals are not so much a real work of art as they are a real piece of work.
Glass Block Windows
The 90s are long gone, but don't tell that to someone with glass block windows in their bathroom or you might hurt their feelings. Sure, they let in some natural light without having to bare it all to the neighborhood, but there has to be a less dated way.
For those of us who will never make it to Broadway, marquee lighting over a bathroom vanity is the only way we'll reach our dreams and feel like a star. Maybe it's time for a new dream...
I was going to say no chevron in the bathroom, but you know what? Better to be safe than sorry! So, let's say no chevron anywhere in the house.
If your desire for aquatics can't be quenched, just bite the bullet and buy a pool. A giant tub is going to take about as long to fill up, anyways.
An all-white bathroom looks beautiful and pristine right up until someone can't be bothered to aim for the toilet. If you really need the blinding blandness of an all-white bathroom, just check yourself into the hospital.
Look, I get it--you want to show off your money in a pointless and tacky way. Granite counters just make sense. But unfortunately, marble is the new tacky rich people trend.
We're not sure why people want to recreate the misery of public transportation in their bathrooms, but subway-style tiling is the way to go!
Too Much Wood
In addition to making you feel like you're taking a dump on Old MacDonald's farm, wood is just not a practical choice for the bathroom. That ridiculous barn door is going to look even more ridiculous after it warps from the steam in your shower.