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30 Worst Christmas Gifts for Your Wife

Poorly Shade-matched Makeup

Poorly Shade-matched Makeup

Sure, your wife probably loves her makeup, but she doesn’t love makeup that doesn’t match her skin tone. Makeup is one of those things that you should only buy if you know exactly the type she would want. Instead of buying her makeup, buy her a beauty box subscription. The box people will probably curate a better selection of products than the rest of us can.

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Socks

Socks

You may be the person who asks for socks every Christmas, but she doesn’t want them. She probably already has great socks. You can put some fuzzy or cute socks in her stocking, but since they’re a small item that you could buy for her any other time of the year, don’t think that they count as a significant gift.

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Cleaning Supplies

Cleaning Supplies

Buying someone cleaning supplies is just insulting. Buying cleaning supplies is a necessary evil, not something you should do to show affection. Plus, you should be helping with the cleaning. Giving her cleaning supplies implies that she is the one in charge of cleaning and that she’s doing a bad job. If you’re buying her cleaning supplies, she’s not the one doing a bad job.

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Clothes That Are the Wrong Size

Clothes That Are the Wrong Size

Buying clothes that are the wrong size is just insulting. It’ll draw attention to her weight in a way that nobody would want. Unless you know the exact size she wears, buy clothes with caution.

Lingerie

Lingerie

Buying someone lingerie is just cringey. It’s the equivalent of saying, “You’re not sexy in what you’ve already got, but you’ll be sexier in this.” Plus, lingerie stores will often try to sell you clothes that will make your wife uncomfortable. Even holiday-themed lingerie is a bad idea.

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Grill

Grill

A grill, firepit, or any other outdoor fire contraption is really just a gift for you. Even if you say it’s “for the family,” your wife knows you didn’t get it for her. Plus, if you want to get a “gift for the family” (or for yourself), just write that on the label and get your wife something she’d actually like.

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Lawn Mower

Lawn Mower

Don’t get your wife a lawn mower — or any other sort of landscaping tools. If gardening is her passion, you can get her garden-specific tools, but only if that’s what really gets her excited. Even then, gardening tools are not landscaping tools.

Mommy Coupon Books

Mommy Coupon Books

Sure, it’s neat when you (or the kids) give your wife a handmade coupon book with kitschy coupons for taking out the trash or free hugs, but that stuff is a given. You should already be doing that stuff. Don’t offer to do something that you should already be doing.

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Exercise Clothes

Exercise Clothes

If your wife loves running marathons or going to CrossFit, buy her some cute exercise clothes she’ll wear. If you guys’ New Year’s resolution is to get in shape, don’t buy her exercise clothes. If you want your wife to get in shape but you haven’t talked to her about it yet, definitely don’t buy her exercise clothes!

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Diet Anything

Diet Anything

Buying your wife some new diet product is just insulting. Dieting is not her passion; it’s a necessary evil that’s uncomfortable to talk about. Making her unwrap anything that calls attention to her weight in front of friends and family is the best possible way to embarrass her this Christmas.

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Gift Cards

Gift Cards

Let’s be honest: you buy gift cards when you don’t know somebody well enough to buy them a gift. (Or if they’re a picky teenager.) You know your wife well enough to get her an actual gift.

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Skin Care

Skin Care

Fancy lotion and smell-good soaps are great gifts, but it’s a fine line that most husbands often don’t know how to walk. If you buy the wrong product, you could accidentally insult your wife in front of everybody you love. Nobody wants that.

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Tacky Jewelry

Tacky Jewelry

The world of jewelry has intricacies that most men don’t know about, much less understand. Buying your wife jewelry is a difficult thing. You could accidentally buy her tacky pieces your mom would wear or trendy teenage items that she wouldn’t want. The worst part? She might still wear it so she doesn’t hurt your feelings. If you opt to buy your wife jewelry, take a hard look at what she wears every day.

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The Same Bottle of Perfume You Got Her Last Year

The Same Bottle of Perfume You Got Her Last Year

Sure, that perfume you just bought smells good, but your wife will know if you got her the same bottle last year — even if you don’t. Keep a list in your phone if you have to, but make sure you don’t buy her anything you’ve already gotten her.

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A Toolkit

A Toolkit

Even if it’s pink, your wife doesn’t want a toolkit. If she needs it, buy her one, but don’t wrap it up and call it a “gift.” That’s just something you need to go out and buy.

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A Fancy Scale

A Fancy Scale

The scale may be sleek, decked out with smart features, and rocking a hefty price tag, but don’t give it to your wife. It’s still a scale. There’s no better way to insult anyone, especially your wife.

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Exercise Equipment

Exercise Equipment

If you’re thinking about buying your wife exercise weights or a Fitbit, think again. Unless your wife loves working out and raves about how excited she is to run that 5k next weekend, you shouldn’t be buying her anything related to exercise.

Money

Money

You probably share a bank account with your wife. Why in the world would you give her money?

No Gift at All

No Gift at All

Even if your wife says you aren’t getting gifts for each other this year, you are. You’re buying your wife a gift. There’s no getting around that.

Sporting Tickets

Sporting Tickets

Unless your wife gets updates on her phone about the Cowboys, don’t buy her tickets. That’s a gift for you, not for her.

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A Pet

A Pet

Sure, Sprinkles is super cute, but you just agreed to a long-term commitment without consulting your wife. That’s never a good idea.

Something Homemade

Something Homemade

If you’re a carpenter, sure, make her a chair. If you like to occasionally tinker around in the garage, it’s probably best not to make your wife anything by hand. Most importantly, if you never paint, do not paint her something.

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Offering Intimacy

Offering Intimacy

Intimacy should be a given in any healthy relationship. Don’t act like you’ve just gone out of your way to get your wife a great gift. You haven’t.

Premade Gift Boxes

Premade Gift Boxes

You know your wife well enough to pick something out for her. Don’t buy her a premade gift box you found at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Monthly box subscriptions are the only exception.

Something Close to What She Wanted

Something Close to What She Wanted

If your wife wants a specific laptop, purse, or kitchen appliance, don’t buy her the cheaper option. If you’re going to get her something that she’s already looked into, make sure you get the right thing.

A Picture of Yourself

A Picture of Yourself

She sees you every day. There’re pictures of the two of you above the fireplace. She’s got videos of you on her phone. Don’t buy her a framed photo of yourself.

A Late Gift

A Late Gift

Christmas comes at the same time every year. Forgetting isn’t an excuse for a late gift. Don’t let it sneak up on you.

Ugly Clothes

Ugly Clothes

Unless you follow the latest trends in women’s clothes, don’t buy your wife clothes you think she’d like. She’s probably pickier than you are.

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Anything That Doesn’t Fit in the House

Anything That Doesn’t Fit in the House

If you buy your wife a chair, a bulky kitchen appliance, or anything else that will always be out, make sure you have room for it.

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A Serenade

A Serenade

Don’t force your wife to awkwardly listen to you sing to her. Your life is not a movie. You’re not John Mayer. Buy your wife a gift you thought of before Christmas morning.