Fantasy football attracts all sorts of characters, and if you spend enough time in FF circles, you’re bound to encounter at least a few people who seem too dysfunctional to be real. Despite lack of government funding, researchers have gone to great lengths to investigate these wonders of nature and have determined that most fantasy football fans fall into five broad categories. In the interest of scientific progress, here’s a look at those five categories—may they help guide your own FF studies.
- The Nerd
The Nerd is your go-to guy for statistics. His mind is constantly racing with averages, probabilities, and algorithms—but unfortunately, not much else. What he has in numerical prowess he lacks in social skills, which can make your interactions with him quite uncomfortable, but there’s no way you’d kick him to the curb, since he’s the only one of your buddies who actually has any idea what he’s doing.
- The Party Animal
For the Party Animal, fantasy football is actually secondary to the drinking that accompanies it. Whether it’s because of kids or a busy work schedule, fantasy football is often the only time he has available to let loose and have some fun. Unfortunately for the rest of you, these drunken antics have a tendency to get old quickly, so you may find yourself “accidentally” forgetting to invite him to your gatherings.
- The Wannabe Jock
The Wannabe Jock is under the delusion that being part of a fantasy football league makes him an actual athlete—and he’s got the insufferable macho attitude to prove it. He’s constantly chugging “brewskis” and trying to pick up college girls at the bar, despite being almost 40 and his receding hairline. Some might call it a mid-life crisis, but that implies that at least some of his life hasn’t been a mess.
- The Way-Too-Into-It Guy
The Way-Too-Into-It Guy has never heard of the term “healthy competition.” For him, everything, including fantasy football, is a matter of life and death, and he conducts himself accordingly. Angry outbursts are a regular occurrence for him, and he’s been known to emit some guttural animal sounds from time to time. Your best bet is to avoid confrontation and agree with everything he says. In extreme cases, you may want to consider becoming a part of the witness protection program.
- The Normal One
The Normal One is the most elusive of all the fantasy football archetypes. It’s rumored that some people maintain a healthy relationship with the hobby and don’t allow it to overtake their lives, but this is just mere speculation. If you’re lucky enough to be a Normal One—get out while you still can!
