Escaping from an abusive relationship is one of the toughest and bravest things you can ever do when it comes to your own safety and happiness. It’s going to be hard to leave your abuser and find yourself again, but no one deserves to be a victim of abuse. There’s a much better life waiting for you out there, so if you need to escape a domestic abuse situation, here’s the safest way you can take your life back.
- Recognize the warning signs.
The first step of leaving a toxic relationship is realizing and accepting that there’s something wrong in the first place. Take a step back and look at your relationship. Do you notice your partner controlling you? Manipulating you? Isolating you from your loved ones? Physically harming you? You may not realize how abusive he is in the moment, but you should use hindsight to see the abuse as a whole. - Don’t make excuses.
Your partner may lead you to believe that the abuse is somehow your fault, but remember that it is never, ever your fault. You also may think that because your partner has never physically hit you, it’s not abuse, but emotional abuse is real and can be very damaging. You may think that it isn’t as bad as some abuse stories that you’ve heard, but abuse is abuse no matter what, and you don’t ever deserve to be treated that way. - Start slowly.
While you do want to get out of the relationship as quickly as possible, you don’t want to announce to your partner that you are leaving him. This could escalate the situation and put you in even more danger. Instead, start to emotionally remove yourself from the situation while you devise your escape plan. - Save up some money.
If you both share a bank account, you don’t want to be stuck without money if your partner chooses to move/spend all the money after you leave. Your family and friends will hopefully help you out financially, but it’s still a good idea to set up a separate bank account or keep your money with a trusted friend so you can help yourself get back on your feet after you leave. - Confide in someone.
Don’t feel embarrassed about confiding in your loved ones about your abusive relationship. The abuse is not your fault, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Even if your abuser has caused there to be some distance between you and your loved ones, reconnect with them because you will need some emotional support throughout this entire ordeal.You’ll probably also need a safe place to stay for a while, so ask them if you can stay with them for a couple weeks after you leave your home. - Document the abuse.
Even if you haven’t decided whether or not you want to take this to court and press charges, you should collect proof of your partner’s abuse. Especially if you’re married with children because you’ll need some hard proof to help you win the custody battle. Being able to show the judge abusive text messages, photos of bruises, and testimonies from your doctor regarding emotional abuse will ease the process of filing a restraining order whether you have children or not. - Pack an emergency bag.
In case things take a turn for the worse quickly, you’ll need to have a bag packed, ready to go, and hidden from your abusive partner (so things don’t escalate further). Keep a few changes of clothes, some cash, car keys, prescription medications, a spare cell phone and a few toiletries in the bag. If you are afraid that your partner will find it, you can also keep it at a trusted friend’s house and go there to get it if you need it. - Find a place to stay.
You don’t want to escape your abuser and then realize you don’t have a safe place to go, which could leave you out in the open and vulnerable. It may be a smart idea to plan to stay with someone who isn’t the first person your abusive partner would think of. For example, if you go to your mother’s house, he may follow you there. Instead, stay with an aunt, cousin, or a friend who your abuser doesn’t know very well. - Give yourself time to heal.
Once the hard part of escaping is over, the even tougher recovery process begins, and it will probably go pretty slowly. Don’t get discouraged, though, or rush into a new relationship to fill the void. You’ll require time and space to heal from such a traumatic experience, so give yourself all the time you need. Reconnecting with loved ones or joining a support group can help you become your old self again. - Don’t give him another chance.
It’s not uncommon for an abuser to come crawling back to you, saying that he will never hurt you again. Don’t believe him. If he hurt you once, he’ll do it again. You’ve already come so far, so don’t re-enter that kind of toxic situation. You deserve to be with someone who treats you well all the time, not a manipulative abuser.
