Most brides envision their wedding day filled with blue skies, sunshine, and smiles all around. But what happens if the road to the wedding day is fraught with dark skies, storms, and dissension within the ranks? A bossy bridesmaid can turn the journey to wedded bliss into a pothole filled mess of hurt feelings. A little advanced strategic planning combined with subtle boundaries and a dollop of grace can go a long way in fostering a positive experience for everyone involved.
Make careful considerations when choosing bridesmaids for your ceremony. The more bridesmaids you choose, the higher the chance of clashing personalities. Bridesmaids should be your closest, trusted confidantes. Ask yourself if you can give each potential bridesmaid your honest opinion about her favorite awful pair of shoes. Would it ruin your friendship or be accepted even if you agree to disagree? If you can answer “yes” to the latter, she is probably bridesmaid material. Having this type of relationship will make it easier to speak honestly and freely with these women as you plan your big day.
If it is not possible to corral the bridesmaid personalities into an easily manageable group, pay attention to your internal warning signs throughout the planning. If you feel like a bridesmaid is not respecting your opinion, your fiancé, or the other members of the wedding party, have a conversation early and in private. Speaking privately can help reduce the amount of drama and tension, and shows that you respect her. Consider what might be the true issue bothering this bridesmaid. Jealousy, insecurity, and selfishness can easily weaken a bridesmaid’s acquiescence to your wishes. Find a discrete time and place to gently ask what is specifically bothering her, and truly listen to her answer.
Before discussing the wedding planning with your bridesmaids, decide which parts of the wedding you are willing to seek the opinions of others and which parts you will not. When problems arise, remind a bossy bridesmaid that you value your unique relationship with each bridesmaid just as you hope she values your need for her flexibility and cooperation. At the end of the day it is your wedding, and your bridesmaids need to respect your wishes and vision.
Approach bridesmaid friction with a vision of how you hope to feel when you look back on your wedding ten years from now. The main focus of planning should remain on you and your fiancé's future life together rather than an outspoken bridesmaid. Always remain respectful and patient with your bossy bridesmaid, but don't allow her opinions to overtake your vision for your wedding.
