Re-entering the dating scene can be stressful, exhilarating, scary, and fun all at the same time. The stress amps up when you're a single parent who makes the decision to start dating again. It's not the decision itself; it's the inevitable conversation you're going to have with your child.
The Right Moment
Waiting for the right moment is the first step. There's something about a new romance that makes everyone want to go shouting about it from the rooftops, but don't ambush your child with the information. There's a good chance your child knows something's up anyway. Kids don't need every little thing explained to them.
If the child is very young, preschool age or younger, then inviting the significant other along on a play date and keeping things platonic between you may be the best way to gauge the child's reaction. Wait until later and ask, "What did you think of my friend?" Engaging your child in this way will help them to feel as if they have some control over an ever-changing environment.
It's important to understand that this is only for children preschool age or younger. Older children will read between the lines. Representing what is obviously a budding romance as something other than it is can foster distrust in your child.
Older children will need you to be open with them from the start. In this case, you can start out by saying you have a new girlfriend or boyfriend. You have your child in mind the whole time, and they need to know this. Let them know that no one will ever replace them in your heart. Unlike other, more explicit relationship details, this one needs to be hammered home often. Your child may feel as though you are casting them aside. Great pains must be taken to let them know this is not the case.
With older children, you can ask if he or she would like to meet your new boyfriend or girlfriend. Once again, you are putting control into their hands.
Confusing Signals
Be careful about exposing your child to your overnight dates. Sleepovers are neither immoral nor unethical, but to a child, they can be confusing. If the romance is new and the sex is little beyond recreational for the two of you, then your child, especially a teenager, may pick up on this. Remember, the danger lies in exposing your child to this behavior too soon.
In summation, the golden rules about talking to children about your decision to date are as follows:
- Don't wait too long
- Be honest and sincere
- Engage your child by asking for their opinion on the matter
- Exercise caution with sleepover dates
Above all, as important as it is for your child to understand that you love them, it is equally important for them to realize how your new romance makes you feel. Your child wants you to be happy, so you must let them know how happy it makes you feel to share your happiness with them.
