The Most Hilarious Clickbait Headlines of All Time, Ranked

Okay, first of all, Mr. Ad, no one accused you of anything. It's pretty suspicious that you would offer up this statement unprompted. 

Second of all, the fact that Photoshop didn't exist way back when is irrelevant. What's important is that Photoshop exists now, and you almost certainly manipulated whatever photo is behind that link. 

When clickbait and celebrity gossip merge, the results are...something. I'm sure Nicole Kidman is just thrilled that this headline is out floating around the internet. 

But what makes this particularly hilarious is how it manages to be specific and vague at the same time. We simultaneously know in great detail what Nicole Kidman is up to but we also haven't got the foggiest what any of it means. 

I'm going to be a little generous with this headline. I don't doubt that dermatologists hate him, but not for the reasons you think. 

You see, dermatologists probably hate "him" because there's a nonstop stream of patients who have seen this asinine ad and demand access to his "shocking" anti-aging secret. 

She might know what's inside her, but I'm willing to wildly speculate. Bones. Blood. Intestines. Probably a baby or a parasite considering this is a clickbait headline. 

This headline is actually important because it highlights the ignorance of American youth about their own bodies and biology. "How could she didn't know?" Truer words have ne'er been spoken. 

Babies are all fun and games until you know where they come from. And don't even get me started on how they're made...

Once again, we have a clickbait headline that still contains a nugget of wisdom. I wholeheartedly agree that "Yikes." is an appropriate response to witnessing the "miracle" of childbirth. 

Okay first all, I'm sure your gastroenterologist is not thrilled that you're going around calling him a "gut doctor." At the very least, don't do it to his face. 

But I love the image of a guy in a lab coat on his knees begging you to toss out broccoli crowns. Mine have started to smell a little funky, so that might be good advice actually...

This has gone beyond simple hatred--grocery stores actively fear this man now. And for good reason! He's apparently got a system that will allow even the brain dead to rob their local supermarkets blind. 

And before you even start, no, it's not coupons. It's probably something even scammier and more obnoxious. 

Break out your eye patches and parrots--we're headed to Mars. Actually, we'll probably need to swing by NASA to grab that treasure map too. 

This probably links to an article about potential valuable metals or something under the surface, which would have been an interesting read on their own. But for some reason, publishers are just naturally masochistic and need you to actively hate them as you read. 

Any chump can sing with their eyes closed. Show me someone who can sing with their eyes open, and I'm basically yours for the taking. 

What makes this headline all the more inspiring is that this wasn't some professional musician who managed the feat after years of grueling practice. No, this was a child singing. With her eyes open. The world truly is a surprising and beautiful place. 

Who'd have thought a man talking about his arm would be so interesting? Definitely not me--I'm fully aware of how uninteresting that sounds. 

And while the whole of science, culture, and law compressed into a mole does sound a little more interesting, I'm skeptical that they'll be able to deliver on that claim. 

How this story even managed to make it to the clickbait headline stage is beyond me. This is what we would have classified as "not news" a mere ten years ago. This weirdo would have been eating his burrito diaper in peace and we would be none the wiser. 

Yet here we are, titillated by the thought of diaper news. 

Some would say that this is just plain cruel. But I disagree. I think its cruelty is exquisite and multifaceted, like a blood diamond. 

Also, I would imagine that whatever ad platform promoted this article brought it upon themselves. The absurd and ever-changing restrictions about what words can and can't be used in headlines turn slideshows about celebrities who haven't aged well into slideshows about celebrities who have "grown" into "horrible looking creatures." 

If medical information online wasn't making you crazy enough, now we've got clickbait headlines to really ramp up the terror. Thanks, internet! 

And I love how vague the image is. If I see what I've already got cancer? My face? 

In his defense, pretty much anyone is going to look terrible after gaining 280 pounds. Thankfully, most of us are not famous enough to make our weight gain newsworthy. 

Also in his defense, if that's Julia Robert's husband after gaining 280 pounds, then he probably needed to put on a little weight to begin with. 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that, yes, I absolutely can believe what baby ducks would do the first time they saw water. It's almost as if millions of years of evolution has installed it as a instinct inside of them. 

It's pretty sad that some cute baby ducks swimming (which I would gladly click on) have become so passe that we've got to wrap them up in some nonsense BS headline. 

Here's another instance where I'm going to go against the grain and say that, no, I in fact CAN believe what happens next. Or rather, I know what SHOULD happen next. 

I'm sure this is actually some interspecies best friends heartwarming story, but I prefer the version in my head where the guy is immediately eaten for being dumb enough to hug a lion. 

I'm not sure what this "one dirty little secret" could be, but all the possible options are highly illegal. 

Let's hope that the secret is something like, "Pay your mortgage on time for 15 years" and not, "Fake your own death and start life in a new city." 

Hope you weren't expecting to have a fun, light day on the internet. Have a death slideshow randomly offered up by the algorithm! 

Luckily this is all clickbait, so we can assume that these aren't true. But that picture is still terrifying, regardless of how true it is. 

Have any plans today? Well cancel them because you're about to lose your mind in a frenzy. 

And what, pray tell, will be whipping you up into a frenzy? Black and white floral tattoos! What in the world else would it be? 

Listen headline, science could prove tomorrow that all food is poison, and I would still shove pizza down my throat for all eternity. So something tells me that this article isn't going to be able to deliver. 

Also, what's with the "you'll never want to eat again" euphemism? Let's follow that to its logical conclusion--When You Read These 19 Shocking Food Facts, You'll Drop Dead. 

Well, this headline is currently 1 for 1--I do indeed doubt the existence of this foot woman. So maybe we should hear them out on the rest. 

I don't have anything else snarky to say about this one. I'm just going to be quiet and think about how Photoshop ruined the world. 

Who hasn't been in this embarrassing situation before? You've got what you're certain is bigfoot's skull until some egghead scientist tries to tell you different. Tale as old as time...

I say fight the clickbait and the experts! Don't find out what it really is! Go on believing it's bigfoot! 

How did any of us survive childhood without being carted off to the loony bin? If we're to believe this headline, being a kid is a mental minefield. 

And don't even think about protesting! These were soul crushing, whether you thought so or not. The headline has spoken. 

This headline is so clickbait-y that it's circled back around to sanity--I think that most people would agree with the idea that drinking pee is gross. 

What's hilarious about this is that they thought they needed an article or video as some sort of supporting evidence for this assertion. Literally just think about it for two seconds and then move on with your day. 

Sound the alarms because heaven on earth does exist. And apparently it's called peanut butter--if we are to believe this headline. 

I have nothing bad to say about peanut butter, but I've yet to experience anything remotely transcendent when I eat it. But maybe that's just a sign that I need more. 

This one challenges all of my hatred for clickbait. Everything about it is just so weird that I can't help but enjoy it in a sick way. 

I don't know what it is, but there's just something about the ungrammatical clunkiness of "I'm baby," that makes me cackle. Which I should probably feel bad for because I'm sure this is some horrific news story wrapped up in an absurd clickbait headline. 

Some men are cursed to a life of mediocrity--a life in service to others and their vision. But not this man. 

I'll be honest, when I heard there was a guy going around cutting off toilet brush handles, I went a little crazy. This was happening in MY America? The world just isn't ready for for such genius! Maybe in another 20 years. 

Forget family holidays. Forget falling in love. Forget every good memory you've ever had because they all pitifully pale in comparison to this modern visionary who had the foresight to place a mug over a raw egg. 

I have no idea what this article could possible be about, and, quite frankly, I don't what to know. Whatever the reality is, it won't be as hilarious as this out-of-context headline. 

Robots? Think again. Monkeys? You fool. Aliens? They probably had a hand in it, but still no. I'm here today to proudly proclaim something that some might find controversial: human beings wrote the dictionary. 

Thankfully, we have this headline to help clear up any confusion for people who might not have heard the big news. 

Listen, if you're unclear on the finer points of emptying your bowels, you don't need a surgeon--you need Everyone Poops. 

And I'm not entirely sure what eggs soaking in what looks like coffee have to do with your bowels, but I'm honestly terrified to find out.